Update

Today we had some good time. When I got to the hospital this morning Shirley was still sleeping but had a good night. Everyone decided to go to breakfast and I told them I would sit with her. I tried really hard to get her to wake up and talk but it wasn't working. But at 9:00 she was just suddenly awake and alert. It was awesome. Everyone came back from breakfast so happy to be able to talk to our Shirley. She was talking, laughing a little and was hungry. But couldn't eat because of tests she needed today. Unfortunately, they waited all day to do these tests and she was really hungry most of the day. When I came up with her from her last test, the lumbar puncture, her friends from work were there...Pat, Val and Dot. They had brought Shirley and our family all of this wonderful food and some drinks to keep there. Shirley has talked about these wonderful ladies for so long I felt like I have known them forever. But this was my first time meeting Val and Dot. I am telling you Shirley attracts wonderful people. And I guess that is how it is supposed to work. She deserves the best and she has it. Her face lights up when they enter the room. And I know they were happy to see Shirley up and awake...able to talk. I would like to actually thank everybody right now.

The comments have been very helpful and thoughtful. We do have time to go down to the family room and get on the computer and read them. Other than that, we are by her side all day. And the flowers and santas are awesome. Her room is filling up fast.

Now the bad news. Right when her dinner came (she ordered chicken and mashed potatoes), she got sick. She got so sick. Severe pain and nausea. She only got a few bites down and then she was back down. She was medicated and back trying to sleep. My brother Timmy asked "what happened, she had such a good day". And my answer to him was ..."she has cancer". No matter how much she tried to make things normal for us today, the sad news is she has very aggressive, very painful cancer. And she had to keep getting more and more medication until finally she was out for the night. Eventually everyone was gone except for Timmy, Kathy, Steve and I.

We visited for awhile and we laughed. More out of exhaustion probably but we did laugh. And then we left. On the ride home I told Steve I felt bad for laughing up there. It's not a time for laughing. It's absolutely the saddest time of my life. But the 4 of us did laugh and I guess it was a way to comfort each other.

I will sleep good tonight knowing that Kathy is up there taking care of our sister. Everyone is always trying to take care of her. I see Tommy making sure she is covered up and rubbing her feet when he is there. And Timmy just refuses to leave. He might still be there with Kathy. He is ready at any second just in case she might need something. Poor Tear is so far away and is calling for updates. I know that must be very hard. I can't even imagine.

The tests have all been done. Tomorrow maybe we will find out some news. I really am not sure I am ready for any more news. I want to go up there tomorrow and see Shirley sitting up smiling and ready for breakfast. Who knows...maybe that's what will happen.

Family and friends have been awesome support. It's easy to fool yourself into thinking this isn't even happening. But then I open my eyes and really see who is laying in that bed in front of me. And it's back to reality.

The last thing I have to say tonight is that I have been asked several times if Shirley is scared to die. The answer is no. She's not. She is sad to die. She doesn't want to leave her children or friends or family. Maybe that's what makes this the hardest. We didn't cry all day until she got sick tonight. She was so sad that her kids had to see her sick again and that made her cry. And when Shirley cries, I cry. She may have needed medication for that alone. I know that did not help. She loves her kids so much and they love her. And they are being so understanding and good right now. Shirley is an awesome mom. I always knew she would be. I had children before Shirley and at the time she was trying really hard to get pregnant. I couldn't wait for her to get pregnant. I thank God for the two children she gave our family.

Good night all. We will see what tomorrow brings.