Friday!!!!!

Thank the good Lord. I was just reading back on my posts from last year and the 29th of July was the one year anniversary of my Rocky dying. That really sucked. The very first animal in my entire life that I had to actually take in and have put to sleep. And watch it happen. I look back on that time and realize how much was going on around me and how badly I really did not need that to happen. He was an awesome dog. Funniest looking dog I have ever seen. But so sweet.

Now Sue has fit right into our family and trying to fill that void. That's the difference with animals. You can normally find another one that you can love as much and give all of your attention to. And it helps heal some of that sadness inside of you. I will always miss him but I find myself loving my Sue the same way.

That will never happen with Shirley. As long as I live, I will never find anything to help heal that pain. And it will always hurt just as bad. You just have to learn to live with it and accept the fact that this is the way you will feel as long as you live.

I watched a movie called Bride Wars last night. Really funny movie. I enjoyed it a lot. At the end of the movie they talk about how you can find that special someone to marry, but the person that is the most important to you isn't always your spouse. And you never even realize it until something happens to make you realize it. That's how I felt the day Shirley was told she had cancer. I knew that day for the very first time how much I loved her.

We are going out with Tim and Bea tonight. More Mexico trip planning. More drinking...of course. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!!!!

I love you,

Teresa

Here are the pictures...

Sammy and Alex

Alex & Nik:)

of the fair and the hog roast. What few I have. Sammy and Alex did really well last night. Ribbons all around. Of course it was last night so I have already forgotten what they won. But trust me...they did good!!!!

Mom and Dad and Tom and Cindy were there along with Mike and Tom. They will sell the piggies on Friday and be done. I believe this is their last year. Kind of sad...but probably for the best. The living situation does not make it as easy anymore. And it's definitely not the same without Shirley here.

Enjoy and have a wonderful day!!!!

Love,

Teresa

P.S. At first last night, I really felt sorry for the piggies. Their lives are so short and that in a couple of days it will all come to an end. And then all of a sudden...I was a little jealous of them. I told them to tell Shirley hi for me. I am sure Shirley will be there to greet all of the piggies into heaven. Maybe not...Maybe piggies don't go to heaven. I hope they do.

It's that time again...

the fair. Not the same old fair that we have had in the past. No rides or fun stuff. And not even in Wyandotte County. Weird. Oh well. Sammy makes it sound like it will be their last year doing the fair anyway. And Shirley's not here...so it's kind of appropriate that it's not the same as every other year.

We will go out and watch Sam and Alex show their piggies. Sam has already won some ribbons this week. I hope they do well.

I was so worried last year on how Shirley would do with the heat and all of the work and being sick. But she was so strong and did just fine.

Just got a call from Miss Kathy...she's taking me to lunch. Woo Hoo!!!!! Made my whole day!

Today is a good day!!!! I don't know why, but it is. Thinking good thoughts and loving my family.

I hope the same for everyone I love.

Love,

Teresa

I Had Lunch With...

Mom and Grandma!!! Yea!!! We had mexican food and it was such a nice lunch. I do love both of them! It was nice of them to take me away from work for awhile. It started pouring down rain at the end and now I am sitting in air conditioning wet and cold. :( grrrrr.

Poor Grandma is due to have another shoulder surgery at the end of August. She is aging right before our eyes. And on the way back from lunch we started talking about missing our girl Shirley and how fast time just passes us by....and there is nothing you can do. I'm not sure that's as bad for me as it used to be. I told mom that I can remember grandma being such a big, strong woman. She was a hard worker and just took care of herself. And now, she is so dependent on everyone else. Shirley always helped mom take care of grandma. She was good at that.

Tracy, thank you for talking to me through the blog. I really appreciate it. You are such a sweet girl and I love you and I am glad we are related. Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Dan are blessed to have you. Dusty and Tina...you guys are so nice. I told the girls from high school how you guys comment and keep my spirits up through the blog. You have no idea how much it helps.

And Tear .... come to Mexico with us. You and Guy would have a blast. No kiddos...no grand kids...Just the adults. We love and miss you guys.

Stay Dry!!!!

Teresa

Another Successful Hog Roast

and I left my camera at Tommy and Cindy's. So you get pictures from last year. And it kind of makes me feel like Shirley was there when I look at those.

It was a great turnout and the food was awesome. I have never seen the pool as crowded before. They hired a girl to sing some country music to start the party and then ended with a jazz band.

Tim and Bea and Steve and I hung around a little later to plan our Mexico trip. Things are actually starting to come together. Hmmm...I think I really am going to have to get on a plane again. Start praying for me now.

Jake's baseball season is over as of yesterday. So should free up some of my time...probably not. July is almost over...that is just so weird. Time is flying by.

Hope to have lunch with Kathy or mom this week. We will see....:)

Love,

Teresa

So I Had to Go Visit Shirley

to make myself feel better...finally. I woke up yesterday around 5:30 and I was already crying. I tried to go into work and that lasted maybe 2 hours. So I went to the store, bought some pretty purple flowers and went to visit Shirley. It's very beautiful and peaceful there. And it did help. I love her and I miss her and I guess some days are just going to be worse than others.

Last night I went to dinner with my friends from high school again. Ironically, it was across the street from where we had Shirley's visitation. The dinner was good, the company was great and ended my day on a very good note.

So tomorrow is the hog roast at Tom and Cindy's. I am definitely looking forward to that. I think I am needing a little family time:)

I hope you all have a safe and happy weekend!!!!

Love,

Teresa:)

One of My Favorite Pictures

6 Months Today...

I don't have much to say today. One year ago today we were leaving in 2 days to go on our St. Louis trip. We were so excited to get away.


Six months ago today Shirley died. This is not getting any better or easier or whatever people tell you.





If I Could Have a Lifetime Wish
A Dream That Would Come True,
I would pray to God with all my heart
For yesterday and you.


A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I have tried.
Neither will a thousand tears,
I know because I have cried.


You left behind my broken heart,
and happy memories too.
But I never wanted memories Shirley,
I only wanted you.

This is the face of a Serial Killer...

Grrrr....bad dog. Over the weekend we have learned that this dog is an animal serial killer. I have found random dead animals in the yard...or brought to me as an offering of love (I guess). But never, ever have I experienced what I experienced this past weekend. I look out my kitchen window and I see this pretty golden retriever/chow dog romping in the backyard. Tossing (what I think) are toys or sticks around. Yea....having a good time. Whoo hoo, this is fun. Tossing and jumping and kicking his feet up.

And then... I look a little closer. No...these are not toys. As he comes running to the door asking to be let in, I decide to go look at what the bad dog has been playing with. As I get closer, the horror starts seeping in...not one rabbit, not two rabbits...a whole family of rabbits. Daddy, Momma and three babies. Nice puppy...isn't he cute.

So I have decided there is no saving the doggy soul. The Animal God I am sure has decided that he will not go to Doggy heaven. I tried. I tried to teach him right from wrong and he refuses to listen. I mean...look at him..he does not even know how to sit in a chair. Again...grrrr.

So no story about my Shirley today. She would not love this bad dog killing the bunny and bird families. Or maybe he is just hurrying them along to go see Shirley. Who knows....

Have a great day!!!

Teresa

It Can Be Frustrating...

waiting. Dad went to his doctor yesterday and told him he needs to see a Vascular Surgeon. Unfortunately they said that they can't get him in for another month. So you just play the waiting game...and try not to worry. (yeah right)

I had lunch with Kathy yesterday. It was nice getting caught up. This weekend is Tom and Cindy's big summer hog roast. Should be a great time. Last year it was stressful because Shirley was not feeling good at all but she was trying to put on an act like she was o.k. I finally remember her and I sneaking over to her house and we laid down on her couch after it got dark. I told her to take all the time she needed. We were eventually caught and went back to the party...but it was difficult for her. I will miss her there this year.

I hate her not being here. I hate it more every single day.

Teresa

Dad is out of the Hospital...

He shouldn't be but he is. Anyone who knows Tom Lewis knows he is very stubborn. He was not staying one day past Saturday no matter what. So they showed him how to give himself these shots he needs and sent him on his way. They did tell him that he now needs to see a Vascular Surgeon. He will see the doctor this morning at 9:00 and we should know more...I hope.

Visiting dad the last couple of times in the hospital brought back a lot of memories...not good ones. Listening to the medical stuff made me remember how hard it was trying to learn everything they were talking about with Shirley. I wanted to know what every medical term and every blood test meant...and by the time it was over...I did.

I am trying to stay positive when it comes to this crap with my dad. Not sure it's working...but I am trying. I will feel better after he goes to the doctor today.

Love,

Teresa

My Daddy...

is in the hospital. He has had an aortic aneurysm for awhile now. And they say that it is not serious. But they check on it every now and then. They did a scan on Wednesday and found out that this aneurysm now has a blood clot in it. So they wanted him in the hospital to put him on some medication to try to take care of this. Right now, they make it sound like it's not serious. I hope they are right. I mean all of the words they use sound serious....aneurysm, blood clot.. But I guess we have no choice but to believe them.

So let's pray for dad this weekend. Let's pray that he does not have too bad of a time without smoking. Those poor nurses. We told them to cover his body with the patches.

Just another bump in the road for my family. Have a great weekend,

Love,
Teresa

It's Thursday....

almost the weekend. Yea!!! There I go again...wishing time away. I can't help it. I don't want to be here at work...so I have to wish for the weekend.

I have planned another trip. Girls here at work are going on a little weekend float trip and asked me to go with them. I said yes!!!! My sister-in-law Kelly is going to go with us too so it will be a lot of fun. Girls only. It's 3 weeks away...I can't wait.

I have decided that it is definitely best to keep myself busy. It is exhausting but definitely the right thing to do. When we were driving across Kansas to Colorado, that gave me too much time to think. And be sad. I still can't think about or talk about Shirley without crying. It hurts too much. She should be here having fun and taking trips with me. She would love it.

Tommy is doing o.k. today. Cindy said he was still in quite a bit of pain. And of course not taking it easy and trying to do too much. She will take good care of him and make sure he gets better.

Have a great day!!!!

Love,

Teresa

Tommy's Eyeballs

So Tommy had some surgery this morning on his eyeballs. Just some minor surgery, but I always worry when people have to be put under. He made it through just fine. Now if they could just fix his hearing....

Pray for his speedy recovery...he has a hog roast in a week and a half so he has to get better.

Love,

Teresa

The Pictures I Promised...

So here is our girl Sam. She's beautiful just like her momma ... and so grown up.

I did go visit Shirley on Saturday evening after Sam's party. I know I have said it before, but Shirley was an awesome mother. And I know Shirley is not in that grave, but it makes me feel better to visit her and tell her what a great job she did in the short time she had with her children.

I love you Shirley.

Love, Teresa

She was missing again...

but this time at Sammy's 16th birthday. Sammy had her party at her Uncle Tommy and Aunt Cindy's house Saturday. Everyone got to see her new car and it was a great time. Just missed our Shirley. I swear sometimes I can just see her walking around. I try not to tell too many people that because they might have me committed. Sam got lots of money and lots of gifts. I did actually take pictures but forgot my camera today. I will post those tomorrow. She is definitely Shirley's daughter. It's amazing how much she looks like her. Beautiful.

I woke up last night just thinking about Shirley. I started thinking about how Shirley's birthday would be in September. I am in the beginning stages of this, but I am going to have a celebration on September 12th. Her birthday would have been September 14th, but I will do it on the Saturday. Just a little "all girls" celebration of Shirley's life at my home. Tell some stories and just remember all of the good times...I will give more details the closer it gets. Just try to mark your calendars if you can.

Nik and Jake stayed the night Saturday night with Sam and Alex. I wonder if they will ever out grow that????

Also in the planning stages of the big Mexico trip in January....woo hoo!!!

Promise...pictures tomorrow:)

Love,

Teresa

O.K. I think this is the link.

I believe this is the link for the pictures. Let me know if it does not work or click on the box below. I hope it works....

http://s1009.photobucket.com/albums/af213/tanoland_album/?action=view&current=76c5b78b.pbw

Love, Teresa

And then the vacation is over...

(Shirley's Christmas Tree)

Just like that. I am back. Grrrr....I don't want to be back. The trip was awesome. We had so much fun with Joe, Kelly and the kids. We tried to squeeze so much in. The pictures will not do it justice. We left on Friday and got back Wednesday night. We did the Alpine Sleds in Breckenridge, we did a Gondola ride up the mountain, we got to do a dinner/wagon ride that was incredible. We white water rafted and the guys went to a Colorado Rockies game. We watched fireworks over the lake. Just so much fun. I missed being home here with everyone. But it was a really great vacation.

Poor Nik got altitude sickness the very first second we went up the mountain and never really recovered. No matter what we tried. He did have moments when he felt o.k. so he got to enjoy some of the vacation.

But back at work. I did want to post one picture on here that probably meant the most to me. Odd. The last day we were there I went shopping in one little store. And I happened upon this purple Christmas tree. I think that was Shirley's Christmas tree. Just reminding me that she was there with me. She would have loved shopping in those little shops at the resort with me. I wanted to take that tree home with me.

I am trying to get my pictures loaded on a new website. So I will put that link up here as soon as I can so you can look at how much fun we had!!!

Love,

Teresa

P.S. Update on the bad dog....I do think he was a little traumatized from the whole experience...don't think I will ever leave him again. Here is a picture of how tired he was last night...he let us put socks on his feet:(

Signing off for awhile...

I will leave for vacation tomorrow and won't be back until a week from today. I am really, really excited. And really, really sad. I am so thankful for Joe and Kelly and their kids. I love them soo much. And I know that we will have a great time together. We always do. But I should be planning this 4th of July with Shirley. Like I have done for the past however many years. Sitting on her deck watching fireworks. I knew last year when I was sitting there it would be my last time.

As I was driving to work this morning, I was overwhelmed remembering that I had dreamed about her. Again. And it was just like all of a sudden it flashed back. I was holding her. And she was smiling at me. There were a lot of people around us but I was trying to ignore them so I could take care of her. She never spoke but she just kept smiling at me. I knew she needed me to hold her. The tears just started uncontrollably. It felt really good to get that out. I needed a good cry.

Sammy turns 16 on Monday. I never would have thought in a million years Shirley would not see her daughter turn 16. Sam is doing great and will be just fine...but I know she will miss her momma.

I will miss writing on here this week. I really feel sorry for you guys. Can you imagine everything bottled up inside of me for a week and then coming back and writing on here. Wow...you guys will be reading for days.

Have a very safe and happy holiday weekend. I hope my friends know that I love them and appreciate their support. Even my friends just on the blog. Who write and support me. I look forward to those message. And my family...I know they know how much I love them. More than ever.

Love,

Teresa

I still miss Shirley

(last year's 4th of July)

So many things happen on a daily basis that make me think of her...but mostly it is just that it is summer. I think about the things we would plan to do every summer. Go to garage sales, cook out and drink on her deck, play cards. Especially when our kids were younger. We would get together a lot so they could play together. It's just the entire season. Yet, it will not get any better when fall gets here. I would tease her for getting her halloween stuff out September 1st. And how my son Nik would defend her because he thought that was sooo cool.

Last night the movie Grease was on. I closed my eyes and I could see her singing those songs. We both loved that movie.

An update on the Harley dog...he is doing great. He had a blockage that they took care of and he is home recovering. But yesterday Kelly had her own injury. She turned her ankle going down some stairs. Please, everybody pray for a quick recovery so she can enjoy her vacation as well this next week.

The weekend is quickly approaching and I have done nothing to prepare for our trip. But that's how I work. Save everything until the last minute.

Hope everyone is having an awesome summer so far...Yes, Tracy...4 day weeks...AWESOME!!!

I hope everyone knows how much I love them and appreciate their comments, support and love. It helps fill this awful empty void I have ...

Love,
Teresa