December 31, 2008

The New Year

This past year has not been a good one. Our Shirley was diagnosed with this cancer at the first of the year, My grandfather passed away, my dad's dog passed away, my dog passed away, Mike was in a motorcycle accident and at the end of the year, Shirley got sick and has been sent home with hospice. I think by anybody's standards, that year sucked.

So now we start a new one tonight. I don't see it being much better. Our Shirley is still sick. And getting sicker.

I hope for everyone else, that it is a happy and safe new year. Pray for our family.

Love,

Teresa

December 30, 2008

Doing a Little Better

O.K. the update from our mother is that Shirley is doing a little better today. Aunt Carolyn (my mom's sister) has come back to town from Michigan so she is up there right now and they are all having a nice visit. I am so jealous and wish I was there.

I hope everyone has a safe New Year's Eve. I normally throw a nice family party at my house every year, but I don't think we will be doing it this year. I know that Shirley would not be able to attend, so that really puts a damper on things. Not much fun knowing Shirley would be at home sick. Not that she would care. She would tell us to go ahead and have it. But I think it will be a nice quiet evening this year. I know that my kids are excited because Sammy and Alex will be coming over to spend the night. At least the kids are happy!!!! That's very important right now. And I know they all need each other. It's awesome the friendship these kids (cousins) have developed. That has always been important to me and Shirley that our kids be close.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Teresa

Not Every Day is a Good Day

And that's what yesterday was. Not a good day. Some vomiting and now Shirley thinks she may have a bladder infection. So they are checking her for that. But overall, I don't think she felt very good yesterday.

I was going to wait to write until I heard how she was doing today, but I wanted to write about something that not everyone may know about. Our trip to Vegas and how that came about.

My husband and I were talking the other night about how our trip to Vegas happened. How odd that all was. Especially now looking back on it. I mean, it all happened really fast. We (Mom, Dad, Tom, Cindy, Shirley, Mike, Teresa and Steve) were all sitting on Tom and Cindy's deck talking and laughing on a summer afternoon. And somehow we got on the discussion of Shirley's 40th birthday. And then we decided that we should go to Vegas for Shirley's birthday.

Now we all have full time jobs, families, not a lot of money and don't travel a whole lot. But as soon as that decision was made, it was made. In the next couple of weeks, we booked the tickets and hotel. And then we went. And we had a great time. Steve made up shirts for all of us to wear on the plane that said "Lordy, Lordy Shirley's 40" with a picture of Shirley when she was 16 on the front. And Shirley wore a shirt that said "I'm Shirley" with her picture on it.

I look back at that and think, we have never travelled for anyone else's birthday. We celebrate but we don't do things like that. I know that trip came about for a reason. We were meant to be together for that special time. We have a lot of pictures and memories that will last forever. I thank God that we made the decision to go. And for me, it was a big decision. I do not fly. I have made a vow to never fly. But I did and it was worth it. So maybe we should all just remember, if it feels right and you really want to do it....Do it. You will be happy you did. Spend as much time with your family as you can.

I will update on Shirley later in the day when I know more. I know that's why you all come here and I will do my best. Have a wonderful day!!!

Teresa

December 28, 2008

Shirley is Doing Good

Kathy and I just came home from a visit at Shirley's and she was doing really, really good. When we walked in she was eating a few cheetos and we got her a powerade slush. She did drink a little bit of that.

We had a really nice visit. I think Kathy and I wore her out talking so much, so I am sure when we left she immediately laid down to take a nap. But I think it was worth it. We made her laugh some and it was really a good time.

Her poor tongue is still swollen and she is just really losing weight. Other than that, she was very awake and talkative. Awesome. Much better than Christmas day. I think Kathy and I really needed to see her like that. It made us feel better.

Let's hope our days continue like that and maybe she can regain some of her energy back. She mentioned she wanted to go to Hallmark really bad so for now, that's our goal. Of course she was adorable and I miss her already.

Have a great week everyone!!!!

Love, Teresa

December 27, 2008

Christmas is Over

It took me a couple of days to be able to actually post again. Lots to do.

I think overall it was a great Christmas. The kids were very happy. Shirley, unfortunately, was very sick. We did not spend the day with her. She came for a few minutes but was so nauseated that she needed to go back home. They called the hospice nurse and had her come out. She worked her magic and Shirley was feeling much better by the time she left. And that night and yesterday were pretty good days. Mom visited with her today and said she was doing really good today. Eyes were bright, she was talkative and was even talking about eating. Which she really needs to do. She is really losing weight. Kathy and I plan to make a visit there tomorrow.

There were some parts of Christmas that were very sad this year. But I think overall our families together made it wonderful. We were there for each other for comfort and that means so much.

I hope that all of your Christmas days were wonderful and full of love.

Now let's see what the new year brings.

Love,

Teresa

December 23, 2008

I Wish You Could See How Cute She Is

But she won't let me put any pictures on here. She actually let us take her picture but she made me promise not to put any on the blog. But let me tell you, she is really cute. She is kind of shrinking...losing weight. I got to spend some alone time with her last night at her house while the kids went up and decorated mom's Christmas tree.

She let me talk her ear off. I definitely overstayed my welcome but I couldn't help it. It's so hard to leave. She is a good listener but when she gets tired she lays down. She is pushing that button on her pain pump a lot. That worries me. I think she is definitely trying to put up a brave front for us. I can see the pain in her face. Her living room is decorated so nice with her Santa collection and her Christmas Tree. And every night there is a fire in the fire place. It's so nice to sit there and talk to her in that setting. And while I am there, I never want it to end. I want to stay there and talk to her forever.

But I can't, I leave and I just go on living my life. Get up and go to work, take care of my family. I wonder if that is the way it is really supposed to be. I know deep down that my time with her is going to end, so my instinct says to forget everything else and just focus on her. But I know I can't do that. It is what I want to do.

Thanks again for your comments. They are very uplifting and help so much. Please, everyone who tells me what a great sister I am...know that is only for one reason. Because I have the best sister to do that with. And she does not deserve any of this that she is going through.

The year 2008 has been such a nightmare...I will be glad when it is over.

December 22, 2008

It Was A Good Night

According to Mike, Shirley had a good night. No vomiting and a few times up to go potty. So, there we go. If we can get a good night in between the bad ones, we will take it.

He did say she was upset with him because he would not let her go shopping. Wow, now that's what I am talking about. Fiesty Shirley.

Love, Teresa

Sitting At My Computer

And I am realizing that I will probably never instant message Shirley ever again. We have talked on Instant Messenger at our jobs for at least the last 5 years. And we normally talk every single day. Even if it's just a "hey how are you". That makes me sad. And angry.

I have not talked to Shirley yet this morning but I did just talk to mom. She made Shirley some potato soup and homemade bread. Isn't she a good mom!!!! We have the best family. Everyone has been there for Shirley and I don't know about everyone else, but I could not ask for more loving and more supportive parents or brothers and sisters (and that includes my in-laws). As difficult as this whole experience is, you realize how awesome your family is. I'm not sure I will make it through all of this, but they definitely give me hope.

I will update later today...

Teresa

December 21, 2008

You Got To Love Her

She is so sweet. And she is trying so hard to feel good. It's just not always working. Last night was really hard for Shirley. Lots of vomiting. But doing a little better today. She has had to call the Hospice Nurse several times but she told me today she thinks she has it figured out. So we will see. Unfortunately, Shirley's pain seems to be increasing rapidly. And that is really hard to watch.

Last night when I was over at her house, I ended up being the last one there. We got to really talk and laugh a little and it was almost like she wasn't even sick. I will treasure moments like that. I'm so scared her pain is just going to take over...and that's the last thing we want. She hates being in pain more than any person I know. I feel so bad for her and there is nothing I can do.

Today her kids came home so I am sure they are enjoying some family time at home finally. Let's pray Shirley can go to bed pain free and get a good night's sleep.

I love you Shirley,

Teresa

December 19, 2008

Shirley Is Home

I just got home from Shirley's house. Mom and dad were there at the beginning and then it was Timmy, Steve and I. We spent several hours over there. We watched Santa Clause 2. Oh and we also watched a Christmas cartoon. So we are trying to get in the mood. She was in a lot of pain when she first got home but then she got up and around. I helped her change into her jammies around 8:00 and then we put her to bed around 9:00. She has her pain pump with her and the pharmacist came out and brought her medications. I guess the hospice nurse will visit in the morning. I know she was very nervous about going home, but she was doing really well as the night went on. I'm a little worried because she did eat quite a bit. I'm worried about how all that will sit in her tummy but we will just pray for the best. I know they can call a nurse at any time.

Tomorrow brings another day. I really am trying to slow time down but it's not working. Days are just flying by. And knowing time may be limited makes it even harder.

Shirley is so loved by everyone. And she knows that. I try to remind her of that all the time. I'm not sure she will be up for too many visitors but you are welcome to call and find out. You can call me and find out or just call her house and talk to Mike.

So now we are just thankful she is at home and comfortable. And I am grateful that when I read on the comments that you can tell how much I love Shirley by what I write. Because I know I have written this before, but the #1 thing I have learned from this whole experience is that you will never know how much you love somebody, until you are told that you are going to lose that person. The day I was told Shirley had incurable, untreatable cancer and that she may have a short time left it was like a flood gate opened up and all of this love just came pouring out of me. I knew I loved Shirley before, but I never knew how much until that day. And all of the days since then. So if anything at all came out of this blog at all...I hope it is that everyone knows how much I love Shirley. And my family knows how much I love them. I try to show it as much as I can. But I definitely will make sure that everyone who reads this knows that Shirley is my very best friend and has been for a very long time.

Again, I am so grateful for everyone who has helped support us especially this last week and a half. Val, Dot and Pat, you ladies are incredible. Thank you so much for everything you did for Shirley and our family at the hospital. And thank her co-workers so much for all that they did for Shirley's family. We can never express the gratitude and love we feel for you...and it's just for loving our Shirley as much as you do. Her face lights up so bright when you walk into the room.

Goodnight for now...Teresa

We're Going Home

Shirley didn't have the best night. She woke up at 5:00 this morning vomiting. But I guess none of that matters. The doctors came in a little bit ago and told us they were going to send Shirley home.

I guess it's for the best. It feels scary and wrong. Sick people belong in the hospital. But I am going to trust that they know what they are doing. She will have her pain pump at home. They explained to her with her cancer and the stents that she has in, she could have a lot of nausea. If she is taking pills for her pain, she may vomit those up and then she cannot control her pain.

So they convinced her that this is for the best. I hope that she really is o.k. with it. A lot of crying, very sad. She said she is having horrible thoughts. I think we all are. I feel like this is our final step in this horrible journey we started back in February. But we will always pray and hope for a miracle.

So I guess that by the end of the day Shirley may be home or at the latest tomorrow. Pray that this is an easy transition and all goes well for Shirley and her family. Her dogs will be so glad to see her. And her tree is already up. It will feel more like Christmas with Shirley at home.

Thanks again for all your comments and prayers...we feel so loved and it does feel comforting to know that so many people are praying for us.

Love, Teresa

December 18, 2008

Hospice

Well tonight Shirley's Oncologist came in and told Shirley and Mike and I that he feels Shirley should not do anymore treatment and go home with hospice. He feels like Shirley is too sick for anything else.

This upset Shirley and she cried a lot. It was really hard to sit there and watch Shirley listen to this doctor. It is the second time this year that I have had to sit there and watch her get the worst news of her life. At least before we had options to fight with. I feel like we are out of options. I know Shirley does too. She was sad. I really only had one question for her. I asked her if she believed in God. And of course I know she does. But I had to make her say yes she does so that we both can be reminded that he has a plan. And we are a very small part of it. I will tell you I don't like God's plan right now. This all seems so unfair. She is absolutely the last person this should be happening to.

I hope that Shirley does get to go home soon. I know they are trying. She is in a tremendous amount of pain most of the time. So I hope they make sure she is ready to go before they send her. I am really worried about that.

I didn't know back in March how I was going to handle the news we received, and the way I have handled it has been a lot of crying. Every day at work and every night when I get home. The pain has not lessened one bit. And I can't imagine having to deal with watching this cancer take her away from us. But I am afraid me and my family are going to have to prepare to do that. And I can't imagine anything worse.

So for now it's goodnight. I am going to try to sleep tonight so I can put on my brave face tomorrow and get back up there and help my family help her make it through another day.

Love,

Teresa

:( Doesn't Feel Good

She is back asleep most of the time and not feeling good. But they are still talking about sending Shirley home. She is supposed to have a visit from her Oncologist this afternoon, so that is what we are waiting on. The news doesn't look great right now, but we will see what he has to say.

They are talking about hospice today so it's very sad. We should know more later. Pray!

Love,

Teresa

Good Day...Bad Night

I talked to mom this morning and she said Shirley had a horrible night. She is now constipated and having a disease that affects your G.I. stuff, it is really painful when this happens. This has really been a problem throughout her time with this cancer. But I guess last night, it was awful. She had to have a lot of pain and nausea medication and mom said that a lot of that didn't even help. Hopefully the doctors can help her today. She even refused to eat breakfast or to get weighed this morning. Not feeling good:(

Unfortunately, I had to be at work again this morning. I am hoping to head out of here soon and get up there to her. Not that I can do much, but it will make me feel better. Poor mom got no sleep. She sounded exhausted.

Let's put in a little extra prayer for mom. I think this is all starting to take a toll on her and even though she is one of the strongest people I know, we all need a little extra prayer sometimes.

Will update later...hopefully better news.

Teresa

December 17, 2008

Hemoglobin

That is the key word. That's low so they had to do a blood transfusion. According to everyone here, that is pretty common for somebody who has a major illness. So o.k. Whatever we need to do. It's actually pretty gross.

She is doing really, really good. She ate solid foods today and has kept them down. She seems to be getting a little energy back. Her pain is difficult to control sometimes. When they unhooked the pain pump to give her the blood transfusion - you could tell that the pain was coming back. So they had to hook that up through a separate I.V. Other than that, doing good.

Mom is staying with Shirley tonight. So I am confident she will be taken care of. I know they are trying really hard to get Shirley home. We have a week until Christmas...so they need to work hard.

Our sister Tear is coming into town from West Virginia on Friday. She will stay the weekend. Hopefully it will be out in Piper and not here in the hospital.

So tonight, we need to pray for Shirley to keep getting stronger and to help relieve some of her pain. And get this girl home for Christmas. I am sure Santa would find her here, but he would rather see her in her own bed in her own house.

Love, Teresa

Blood

Teresa had to go to work today. So this update comes from my desk at work. Which sucks. I was just told by mom that Shirley has to have a blood transfusion today. Her hemoglobin is low. She did have a good night. She is doing good this morning. Trying to eat some more.

They are really pushing for her to start eating and keep food down. I think it is obvious they are trying really hard to get her to go home. So we will see what the afternoon brings. I will be up there by 3:00 I hope and I will update after that.

I'm not sure anything is worse than wanting so bad to be by her side every minute and not being able to. I do have to try to keep my job but I also have to make sure she is my first priority. She is definitely the most important thing. But I do feel much better once my mother or Kathy show up because I know they will take care of her as well if not better than me. She is supposed to have some friends visiting today, so I know that will perk her up.

Have a great day!!!!

Teresa

December 16, 2008

We Were Doing Good

But she just got sick. She has been on clear liquids all day and she was taking it slow and keeping it down. And then the evening came and she took a few sips of broth and a couple of bites of jello, got up to go to the bathroom and it all came back up.

We are trying. It's just a waiting game at this point. The doctors are trying to make sure she can start eating again before they will even think about letting her go home. And she is making the effort, but her body just doesn't like it all the time. She was very frustrated. She is trying so hard to do everything right.

So, we will just see what tomorrow brings. It's day by day right now. We have to try to be patient and hope her body will accept the food she is trying to give it. She actually got a little bit ornery this afternoon and it was very cute. I am staying the night with her tonight so we will just try to let her rest and try eating again tomorrow.

Love, Teresa

December 15, 2008

This Evening Not So Good

Tonight Shirley got her clear liquid dinner tray. On this tray was a popsicle. She was so excited. So she ate it. An hour later she was sick. It all came back up. It was so depressing. She had to get heavily medicated to get rid of her nausea. When I left, she was sleeping very deeply. But still sick.

So, we will see what the doctors say tomorrow. :(

Teresa

Update

Well we are sitting up here with Shirley and she is doing o.k. She is finally on clear liquids. We got kind of excited about that except for the fact that she did have some nausea - so she didn't really even want them. She is trying though.

Shirley was originally scheduled for another lumbar puncture this morning. She was supposed to have a series of 3. She has had one so far. When the doctors came in this morning, they said they have decided not to do the last 2 because at this point, they couldn't really treat whatever they find. So this doctor at the hospital is going to consult with her Oncologist and decide when Shirley might be able to go home and what our next steps are. He was worried because she will have really bad bouts of pain that is not controlled by her pain pump. They have to give her extra doses. So I guess we will find out soon if or when she can just go home. We are all so ready.

I will update as soon as we find out!!!!

Love, Teresa

December 14, 2008

Another Day At The Hospital

Poor Shirley was again allowed no food or drink today. She still has pancreatitis so they are trying to get that cleared up. They are going to do another lumbar puncture. We are so ready to be done with tests and just get Shirley eating again. She is actually hungry and ready and they are just not letting her.

To be honest, it was a really good day for her. And that sometimes will fool you. So on one hand I am so grateful that she is alert and awake and I am able to talk to her all day. On the other hand, when I get home, reality sinks in. At this point, I am ready to get Shirley home, eating and just enjoy Christmas. Still not sure if we will make that happen but we are going to try as hard as we can.

Thank you all for your prayers and feel free to call or check on her whenever you feel the need. If I am not updating quickly enough, I totally understand your desire to find out how she is. She is really adorable laying in her bed with new purple jammies and her white cap to cover her little bald head. But she will not let me take a picture...so sorry.

Will try to update sooner tomorrow. I plan on being up there as soon as I can in the morning and hopefully....maybe....possibly...she will get to eat her breakfast. And not get sick.

Love, Teresa

December 13, 2008

Feeling a Little Better

Well, we are here with Shirley tonight and she is feeling a little better. Today we did get the results of her PET Scan back. Nothing really that we didn't already know. She developed pancreatitis and was taken off all food and drink today. They did hook her up to a pain pump and she can get some relief when she needs it. We did not get her lumbar puncture results yet. But they do not think it has gone to her brain. But we will see. They are expecting the results Monday.

The treatment for Pancreatitis is basically stay off everything and let your body rest. She did say she was hungry this evening so maybe by morning she will actually be able to eat some breakfast. Wouldn't that be awesome.

Timmy (yes, I said Timmy) is spending the night with her tonight. He is so excited. And Shirley is actually o.k. with it. Kathy bought her some new jammies and socks and so she is sleeping in those now and of course they were purple (her favorite color). She looks very comfortable and so I can leave here tonight feeling ok. We will hope for a better tomorrow. Pray for Shirley to sleep well tonight and be able to have a good breakfast. She really needs to eat. Just to get enough strength so we can take her home.

Oh and Janet - Timmy's birthday is January 5th and Tommy's is January 8th. But that is nice that you remembered. And again I love all of you and your comments.

Love, Teresa

No Change

This morning when I walked in, Shirley was still nauseated. She didn't have a good night. Lots of pain and nausea.

We will see what today brings. We did get the PET Scan results. It's hard to understand when you don't know what you are reading so it will help when the doctors come in to explain the results. But from what I can read, it's still really bad.

Shirley hasn't eaten in so long and I don't know how much longer she can go on doing that. And I know the solution to that but will Shirley go along with that? I have no idea.

I know you are all praying and we appreciate that. Please keep praying to keep Shirley's pain and nausea under control. I miss my Shirley so much. We all do. And pray for Mike. I see the pain get so much worse in his eyes every day.

December 12, 2008

Update

Today we had some good time. When I got to the hospital this morning Shirley was still sleeping but had a good night. Everyone decided to go to breakfast and I told them I would sit with her. I tried really hard to get her to wake up and talk but it wasn't working. But at 9:00 she was just suddenly awake and alert. It was awesome. Everyone came back from breakfast so happy to be able to talk to our Shirley. She was talking, laughing a little and was hungry. But couldn't eat because of tests she needed today. Unfortunately, they waited all day to do these tests and she was really hungry most of the day. When I came up with her from her last test, the lumbar puncture, her friends from work were there...Pat, Val and Dot. They had brought Shirley and our family all of this wonderful food and some drinks to keep there. Shirley has talked about these wonderful ladies for so long I felt like I have known them forever. But this was my first time meeting Val and Dot. I am telling you Shirley attracts wonderful people. And I guess that is how it is supposed to work. She deserves the best and she has it. Her face lights up when they enter the room. And I know they were happy to see Shirley up and awake...able to talk. I would like to actually thank everybody right now.

The comments have been very helpful and thoughtful. We do have time to go down to the family room and get on the computer and read them. Other than that, we are by her side all day. And the flowers and santas are awesome. Her room is filling up fast.

Now the bad news. Right when her dinner came (she ordered chicken and mashed potatoes), she got sick. She got so sick. Severe pain and nausea. She only got a few bites down and then she was back down. She was medicated and back trying to sleep. My brother Timmy asked "what happened, she had such a good day". And my answer to him was ..."she has cancer". No matter how much she tried to make things normal for us today, the sad news is she has very aggressive, very painful cancer. And she had to keep getting more and more medication until finally she was out for the night. Eventually everyone was gone except for Timmy, Kathy, Steve and I.

We visited for awhile and we laughed. More out of exhaustion probably but we did laugh. And then we left. On the ride home I told Steve I felt bad for laughing up there. It's not a time for laughing. It's absolutely the saddest time of my life. But the 4 of us did laugh and I guess it was a way to comfort each other.

I will sleep good tonight knowing that Kathy is up there taking care of our sister. Everyone is always trying to take care of her. I see Tommy making sure she is covered up and rubbing her feet when he is there. And Timmy just refuses to leave. He might still be there with Kathy. He is ready at any second just in case she might need something. Poor Tear is so far away and is calling for updates. I know that must be very hard. I can't even imagine.

The tests have all been done. Tomorrow maybe we will find out some news. I really am not sure I am ready for any more news. I want to go up there tomorrow and see Shirley sitting up smiling and ready for breakfast. Who knows...maybe that's what will happen.

Family and friends have been awesome support. It's easy to fool yourself into thinking this isn't even happening. But then I open my eyes and really see who is laying in that bed in front of me. And it's back to reality.

The last thing I have to say tonight is that I have been asked several times if Shirley is scared to die. The answer is no. She's not. She is sad to die. She doesn't want to leave her children or friends or family. Maybe that's what makes this the hardest. We didn't cry all day until she got sick tonight. She was so sad that her kids had to see her sick again and that made her cry. And when Shirley cries, I cry. She may have needed medication for that alone. I know that did not help. She loves her kids so much and they love her. And they are being so understanding and good right now. Shirley is an awesome mom. I always knew she would be. I had children before Shirley and at the time she was trying really hard to get pregnant. I couldn't wait for her to get pregnant. I thank God for the two children she gave our family.

Good night all. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Little Update

Shirley is awake and talking this morning. She actually looks really good. We are just sitting around the hospital today waiting for more tests. They are planning to do the PET Scan at 4:00 and the spinal tap could be done at any time today.

These tests are being done to determine how much the cancer has spread. I will update again whenever we get test results. Today let's just enjoy the alert, and temporary pain free Shirley.

Love, Teresa

December 11, 2008

9 Months to the Day

March 11th Shirley was told she had incurable cancer. December 11th, we were told there isn't going to be much more they can do for Shirley except to keep her comfortable. They did open up her bile ducts but found numerous tumors. The cancer has become very aggressive and they do not believe we have much time left with Shirley. Tomorrow they will do a CT Scan and a PET Scan to determine how much time. But no matter what they say, it will not be enough.

December 10, 2008

Shirley's Procedure

We just talked to the GI doctors and they have agreed to do a procedure that will put a stent into open the bile duct. This will help Shirley's jaundice and hopefully make her feel a little better. Shirley's disease has progressed significantly in the last few months so I guess the next step will be to find another chemotherapy that will start shrinking the tumors again.

After they get her liver under control I think they still plan to do the spinal tap to check to see if any of the cancer is in the fluid around her brain. They feel like that is definitely secondary because the liver is so out of control.

Shirley is sleeping 99% of the time. When she does wake up she is nauseated and doesn't feel real good. Not real sure how much any of these procedures are going to help.

We have to pray. Shirley is in God's hands right now and her disease seems to be taking over.

Room Number & Cell Phone

Shirley wanted me to let you know her room number here at KU Medical Center. It is 4212. And if you would like to contact me - my cell phone number is 913-636-6288. She is very tired and nauseous but doing a little better right now. She just finished her ultrasound and there will be a few more tests today. We will try to keep you updated but feel free to call and get an update.

Teresa

December 09, 2008

In The Hospital:(

Well today we did not get chemo which is what I prayed for. Now I realize that might have been better. Shirley was so sick when we got to the cancer center. Her Physicians Assistant looked at her and her blood work and knew that we would not be doing chemo today.

Unfortunately Shirley has several things going on. #1 she is very jaundiced and her bloodwork showed that her bilirubin level was very high. This is a sign of a blockage in her bile duct from a tumor. This is where they believe her cancer originated. #2 she has a problem with her tongue. And this sounds odd but it could be very serious. Half of her tongue is numb and swollen. And when she sticks her tongue out it doesn't point straight, it curves. Now they have done an MRI and a CT Scan which show no tumors in her brain...and this is a very good thing. But they are going to do a spinal tap tomorrow to test the fluid in her brain to see if there are any cancerous cells that have spread to her brain. This would not show up on the other tests. Oh and I did not mention that she has been having severe headaches.

It took them all day to get her pain relieved. I told her I was not leaving tonight until I saw the wrinkle in her forehead go away. And sure enough, by 9:15..it was gone. And she was comfortable again. At least for a little while. She is not eating, or drinking and she is nauseated all of the time and then her head also hurts all the time.

As I write this I realize how grateful I was this morning to know that she was not going to get that chemo and now how sad and scared I am on what the results of her tests will show tomorrow.

I would say that I am going to go to bed now and pray but what for....I have no idea. Nothing seems to be working out at the moment...so we will just see what God has in store. I do know right this minute I wish I was right next to her rubbing her arm or making her smile.

I don't feel like it is time for this to go bad. Not right now. We want our Shirley back. Keep fighting Shirley.

December 08, 2008

A Story

I am going to make a request. The other day a friend of Shirley's wrote a funny story about Shirley from years ago. That was so awesome to read. I want everyone who reads this blog to do that. It doesn't have to be funny. Just something memorable from your past with Shirley.

One thing Shirley has said to me more than anything else in her lifetime that I have not heard in so long is "The most embarrassing thing happened to me today". And you can just always imagine what would come next. It was normally embarrassing.

I would love to hear things that people have experienced with Shirley that the rest of us might not know.

Thank you. Teresa

Shirley

I guess we will just start with the basics. Things aren't very good right now. The problems she is having is vomiting, fatigue, no appetite. I'm scared of how much weight she has lost because she isn't eating. The hair is gone now. And I know her poor little head itches so bad. She tries so hard to look like she is doing ok but she's not. I am praying to God it's the chemo doing this to her and not the cancer. I guess we will find out tomorrow. She goes to the doctor. They will check her out and I guess if her bloodwork shows that she is up for it, she will have this horrible chemo again. Right before Christmas. I hate it. And I don't know if it's the right thing to say, but I am praying to God she cannot have that chemo. I want her to have some strength, to eat, to get out of bed and enjoy Christmas in two weeks. This chemo is not right for her body. We don't even know if it's getting the tumors, but it's literally disabling her.

I know she is in so much pain and a lot of problems she is having is from the pain medication. She is very medicated.

This is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever been through and I could not feel more helpless. I am hoping things look better tomorrow.

And before I sign off....Happy Birthday Grandma:)

Teresa

December 05, 2008

Comfort

So do not fear,
for I am with you;
do not be dismayed,
for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Hard Times

Things aren't going well for poor Shirley. Headache is still not gone. Mike called me last night trying to get in touch with her doctors. I'm so grateful he looks to me for help. I mean what else am I good for. Unfortunately doctors don't like that. So Teresa is not allowed to call doctors anymore. It's that Hipa thing. I'm o.k. with that. I will find another job.

Shirley's head hurts, her stomach hurts, she sleeps a lot. According to the doctors we just need to get her medication under control. And we will. Just the thought of this many days of pain for her makes me sick. I am going to have very positive thoughts today and pray for her that this is the day we make a turn around. And this weekend she starts feeling a little better.

Mom went up and checked on her last night and nobody knows you better than your mom and she assured us that Shirley was o.k. for now. So that made us all feel better.

Thank you Commenters and Classmates of Shirley. You guys will never, ever know how much these comments help. I hope someday I can see you and tell you in person how much that means to me. I do this blog for you all to get updates on this amazing person but also to get you all to pray for her and I know that you guys are coming through for me. Thank you.

I told my son last night that the one thing that I will always remember is how many comments in my lifetime I heard about Shirley's beautiful long red hair. Strangers would comment about it. Well she doesn't have that right now, but she is living proof that hair does not make the person.

The last thing I can say today is PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY. Dear Lord, take her pain away. I know she is in your hands and you have your own plans for Shirley, but please take her pain away. Hold her and comfort her.

Love, Teresa

December 04, 2008

December 4, 2008

I just talked to Shirley, she's still not feeling good. Very nauseated, very weak. And now....no hair. She said most of it is gone. I know if I saw her right now I would think she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

This is a really hard post for me for some reason so I better just leave it at this. I love you Shirley.

December 03, 2008

Making Progress

I did talk to Shirley a little bit ago. I know last night got bad again. The headache and the stomach ache. But this morning my phone rang and it was the voice of a Shirley who definitely was at least a little better. I will take a little better because maybe it will get even better than that.

This weekend we have to concentrate on getting grandma's estate sale done. After that, we are concentrating on Christmas. And if we have to go decorate Shirley's house with her awesome Santas then we will.

Shirley you are awesome. I know this feels really rough and it's really hard, but we see something different. We see a fighter. We see somebody who is not giving up. Every person I talk to talks about what a fighter you are and how strong you are. So you remember that. And you keep fighting.

Everybody make sure to come to the estate sale. It's in the paper.

December 02, 2008

GOOD NEWS

Shirley had an MRI of her brain today and I think the doctor's exact words were "we only found air". Mike liked that one. It was such a terrifying wait. But it's over. And the other good news is they stuck an I.V. in her arm and her headache was instantly gone. Imagine that. I think we could all use a little of that.

Shirley is doing good right now. We left her in her chair with her pillow and blanket with Mike by her side. They believe her headaches are from several different things. #1 Stress, #2 high blood pressure and #3 Iron. So they will try to get this under control. Next week if Shirley is up for it we will do another treatment and then three weeks after that a CT scan to see how this treatment is working.

The one thing I will say is that she gets wonderful care there. Very compassionate people.

I know this whole process is very stressful. I'm not sure anyone could put it into words. The emotions, the stress. It's ridiculous. They did bring a wonderful counselor down to talk to us all and I think he will help.

For now, I am thanking the good Lord for not letting my sister have cancer in her brain.

December 01, 2008

It's Been Rough

From what I found out tonight, Shirley has had a terrible headache that has gone on for 3 weeks (of course without telling anyone). She is very stubborn. She did talk to her nurse Doug and they are going to schedule a CT Scan of her head. If I have anything to do with it, it will be done tomorrow.

I know Shirley is scared and she sounds like she is in so much pain. Not much for talking to too many people right now. I know she apreciates your prayers and your comments. She gets all your comments through her email so keep sending them.

Let's hope we can get this CT scan done and find out this is just a side effect from this last treatment she had.

Update tomorow.....We put all of our trust and faith in Jesus Christ and know that his will be done. As Shirley reminds me constantly...It's in God's Hands. Amen.

Very Sick

I just called Shirley thinking we could have lunch today and found out she is really, really sick right now. All I could find out is that she has a really bad headache and is really nauseated. I knew in the last couple of days something wasn't right. She has been so pale and Saturday night she told me her entire stomach hurt. I do know that Mike is with her right now and she does have a call into her nurse.

I am begging everyone who reads this blog to pray for her. Please pray for Shirley to feel better. I will update when I know more.