Hospice

Well tonight Shirley's Oncologist came in and told Shirley and Mike and I that he feels Shirley should not do anymore treatment and go home with hospice. He feels like Shirley is too sick for anything else.

This upset Shirley and she cried a lot. It was really hard to sit there and watch Shirley listen to this doctor. It is the second time this year that I have had to sit there and watch her get the worst news of her life. At least before we had options to fight with. I feel like we are out of options. I know Shirley does too. She was sad. I really only had one question for her. I asked her if she believed in God. And of course I know she does. But I had to make her say yes she does so that we both can be reminded that he has a plan. And we are a very small part of it. I will tell you I don't like God's plan right now. This all seems so unfair. She is absolutely the last person this should be happening to.

I hope that Shirley does get to go home soon. I know they are trying. She is in a tremendous amount of pain most of the time. So I hope they make sure she is ready to go before they send her. I am really worried about that.

I didn't know back in March how I was going to handle the news we received, and the way I have handled it has been a lot of crying. Every day at work and every night when I get home. The pain has not lessened one bit. And I can't imagine having to deal with watching this cancer take her away from us. But I am afraid me and my family are going to have to prepare to do that. And I can't imagine anything worse.

So for now it's goodnight. I am going to try to sleep tonight so I can put on my brave face tomorrow and get back up there and help my family help her make it through another day.

Love,

Teresa