I am excited...

for lunch and dinner. And not for the food. Although I believe they will both be Chinese ...and that is like heaven for me. I am eating lunch with Mom, Kathy, Cindy and Leanna. Yay!!!! And dinner is with my girlfriends tonight. These lunches and dinners always seem to come right when I need them. I need some hugs.

I woke up crying really hard about 3:00 this morning. And this cry was a Shirley cry. I don't know about everyone else...but there is a different cry that you have when it is for someone you have lost. I didn't know that before I lost her. But that is the cry that I woke up to at 3:00. I don't remember having any dreams...but somewhere in my sleep...she was in my thoughts. I never went back to sleep.

When I started this post and when I write other posts...if I ever write that I am excited or happy...it is immediately followed with guilt. I don't really want people to think that I am happy. That makes me feel bad. Because really I am just sad. But I think we all mask that and put on our happy face. I know that I am not alone in this. And what's weird is when I was looking at the pictures from the weekend...everyone is laughing ...but when I look at each person individually...I know behind the laughter how much sadness is there. Who could guess that one person could have that kind of impact. But you all know her...so you understand. And I am happy...but I am more sad. I am not sure if that makes any sense at all.

But thanks for reading and letting me say what I need to say.

Maybe I will get pictures at lunch...and dinner:)

Love,

Teresa