It's been a few days...

but it is physically difficult to even get out of bed. No matter how hard I am trying to fight off these feelings I am having...it's not working. I feel like I am reliving last year all over again. And it happens without me even thinking about it. It's truly a physical thing my body is doing. It's so weird for me because I have never experienced anything like this in my life. I know that a year ago I woke up on a sofa in the hospice house facing my sister...my best friend...who was no longer alive. It's like I am dreading that tomorrow I will wake up and see it again. But I won't. I know that. But I did and it hurts so bad.

How is it that you can be so grateful for the people in your life and love and be loved by so many people...and still have such a huge void in your heart. I feel selfish and ungrateful. But I want her.

I am 99% sure that I will spend tomorrow in bed. I just want tomorrow to go away. I don't want to even acknowledge that day. Yes...Shirley got to go to heaven and her pain went away...but my sister went away. And my pain did not go away.

I will be so happy the day we leave for Mexico. I need a change of scenery and I will be with my brothers and sister in laws who mean so much to me. They will help me. They always do.

Please take time tomorrow to think of a really good memory of Shirley that makes you smile or even laugh out loud. She could make you do that so easily.

Love,

Teresa