I Swear Mom I Do Not Mean to Make you Cry....

but this poem is beautiful. Before I post it, I want everyone to know that one important thing I learned while Shirley was dying that we had a lot of people tell us to tell her it was o.k. to go. To just let go. I was never o.k. with saying that. And I am not sure I have ever told anyone this....but I would tell Shirley that I knew she was going to go to heaven, but I was not o.k. with it. I knew I didn't have a choice and that God was going to take her. But I would never, ever tell her it was o.k. to go. I still wanted her with me. So fight as long as she could. I knew that it was not up to me when she left us...it was up to God.

So a blog I read this morning had this poem on it from a mother to her little boy and this is really for my mother. And remember mom...we all need a good cry. So here we go:


I told him that he was not going to get the same speech his sister had gotten. It was NOT okay for him to quit fighting and it was NOT okay for him to go to Heaven and rest. I told him that I needed him to fight to stay with us.

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.

If God had told me, "this soul will one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "our time spent together here on earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...

Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...

Autho​r Unknown

Sorry so sad. But still so true.

Love,

Teresa