Empty

That's the only way to describe the feeling. So many times a day I get this need to talk to Shirley. To tell her about my day, to ask her advice about something or just tell her about something that has happened to me. Like I have every day for most of my life. And instead of getting to talk to her, I have to just push that urge away because I don't get to talk to her. I know that I can talk to her. But it's not the same. I need her to talk back to me. I want to hear her voice sooo bad. I still have a voicemail on my phone from her and I do listen to it once in awhile. So last night was a "cry myself to sleep" night. And I went to sleep picturing her in my head. And I woke up with the puffy eyes and just in a pretty crappy mood. I am being selfish today and I want her back. I want that last year to just go away. I know that a lot of you can relate. I know Shirley talked to and helped so many people every single day of her life. That is one of the many things that made her so awesome.

Today my boss asked me what was wrong and I looked at him and told him he did not ever have to ask me what was wrong again, because the answer would always be the same. She has not even been gone 6 weeks and I think sometimes people think you should just be "over" it and move on. Well I am not and I don't plan on being "over" it any time soon. Well, at least not today.

And sometimes it's the oddest things that bring back a memory. Just now a lady at work told me her favorite kind of ice cream. And I told her my favorite was chocolate chip cookie dough. And it made me just start crying. On a visit to Springfield with mom and Shirley to go see my sick grandpa, the three of us stopped to get some ice cream. Shirley was just listing all of the different things that sounded good and what she was going to get. She definitely had a weakness for the ice cream. Well, I knew exactly what I wanted so I ordered my waffle cone with chocolate chip cookie dough. And sure enough, right behind me, she steps up and said she wanted a waffle cone with chocolate chip cookie dough. I looked back at her and said "you never once mentioned that in all of the things you listed." She said it just sounded good when I ordered it. I teased her for the rest of her life about copying off of me that day. We laughed so hard the rest of that night because of that one little incident at the ice cream shop. It was just one of those things that struck all 3 of us as being really, really funny.

Those are the things I will miss.

Love,

Teresa