I Pretend Sometimes

I realized yesterday after my lunch with Kathy (book club member) yesterday, when I sat at my desk for several hours and cried while I worked, that I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. I have been telling everyone how much better I am dealing with this than I thought I was. But for the past 2 days this whole ordeal has been haunting me. I think for awhile I was so grateful that Shirley no longer had to deal with the pain and sickness and suffering, that I could forget how sad I was. But last night it all came flooding back. And I don't know if anyone else has felt this way ... but there are times that I can feel Shirley's skin right next to my face. When I would kiss her cheek...I can feel that now. And it has been getting stronger the last couple of days. I am going to just say that is Shirley comforting me and that she is hugging me.

I do still talk to her but the reality is I want her here. And that's not going to happen. And I wish I had a time machine and we could go back...to when our kids were little and it was the best time of our life.

Grandma came through the surgery really well. She is very strong. The pictures I am putting on here today are from when Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Dan came to visit in December. They are so sweet and were so supportive through this whole ordeal. And Tracy, your comments mean so much.

So, today is another day, and we keep fighting. Fighting the bad thoughts and the depression that wants to grab you and put a smile on your face. Try and be thankful for what we still have.

Love,

Teresa