I went to sleep about midnight and woke up about 5:00. Shirley had slept pretty good most of that time. So definitely an improvement from before. Maybe they are figuring out her medication. She said she is a little nauseated but not bad. And her cough actually seemed a little better.
Probably a little over reaction last night, let's hope so. We just need to get these symptoms under control and that seems to be happening at the moment.
Patience Teresa, patience!!!!
She is in good spirits right now and all is well.
Teresa
January 17, 2009
Teresa Got Cranky
We came here yesterday with the hopes of them making Shirley more comfortable. Unfortunately, I don't see a lot of that. Shirley has a lot of mucus buildup in her throat and she is not strong enough to cough it out. It makes her sick and it's happening more and more. I don't like it. She is not in a lot of pain. That is under control. But I don't really think the mucus and nausea is under control. And really, that is just my opinion. It's hard watching her go through some of the things she is going through. And hearing them say that these are normal changes her body is going through does not make it any easier.
She has gone 6 days without food and really that's enough for me. It makes me uncontrollably sad. So I am trying to find ways to deal with it because I don't have much of a choice. But please know that I am not happy about it. I want her to be comfortable and peaceful, as we all do.
Maybe with a little more time, that will happen. I don't know. Very frustrating. It's late, going to try to sleep on the sofa. Hope for a better tomorrow. Pray for our Shirley. Pray for our family.
Love,
Teresa
She has gone 6 days without food and really that's enough for me. It makes me uncontrollably sad. So I am trying to find ways to deal with it because I don't have much of a choice. But please know that I am not happy about it. I want her to be comfortable and peaceful, as we all do.
Maybe with a little more time, that will happen. I don't know. Very frustrating. It's late, going to try to sleep on the sofa. Hope for a better tomorrow. Pray for our Shirley. Pray for our family.
Love,
Teresa
January 16, 2009
It's Snowing
Did not expect to wake up to snow. But it's beautiful. I wish Shirley could enjoy it. She is sleeping right now. She did have a lot of pain last night. But they did get it under control. It came on pretty fast. It's her tummy. She is comfortable now and sleeping.
Mike made a surprise visit around midnight so we did not spend the night alone. It was actually comforting having someone else in the room. And I know it made him feel better. I don't think he could go to bed alone at their house. It was best for everyone.
I do think they are just going to have to keep her more and more sedated. Her pain is increasing and she keeps trying to get out of bed. They seem to know what they are doing, so we will trust them.
It's much easier to update ... this computer is right outside her room. Enjoy the snow.
Teresa
Mike made a surprise visit around midnight so we did not spend the night alone. It was actually comforting having someone else in the room. And I know it made him feel better. I don't think he could go to bed alone at their house. It was best for everyone.
I do think they are just going to have to keep her more and more sedated. Her pain is increasing and she keeps trying to get out of bed. They seem to know what they are doing, so we will trust them.
It's much easier to update ... this computer is right outside her room. Enjoy the snow.
Teresa
January 15, 2009
First Night at Hospice House
Wow, what an experience. I have never done this before and hope to never do it again. It's 10 o'clock and everything is quiet. Timmy is still here with me. Shirley is resting as good as she can. She is a little uncomfortable right now. But they have given her plenty of medicine so I think here soon she will be out for the night.
She did get sick after she got here but they have plenty of medicine here for her. She doesn't like it because it makes her go to sleep but you have to take the good with the bad. She is so weak now that it makes it hard for her to go to the bathroom. So they did put the catheter in her tonight. I think that will help a lot. She didn't like it and I don't blame her. It is what it is.
She still is getting a little confused and agitated. They tell me that is normal. Her tummy is distended and they say that is normal. Whatever normal is. Normal for cancer. I don't like this normal. The Lewis family has never been normal.
Our family is coming together...we are hearing from people from West Virginia, Michigan, Springfield...Shirley has spread her love all over. And it is coming back to us like you cannot believe. Her co-workers as well. She is an amazing woman. She is absolutely the best sister and daughter any person could ever want in a lifetime. We are so lucky.
I don't plan on leaving her side. I will be here as long as she needs me. Please feel free to write your comments to Shirley. I am relaying them to her every chance I get. Send your love her way....
Love from Room 5 at the Hospice House,
Teresa
She did get sick after she got here but they have plenty of medicine here for her. She doesn't like it because it makes her go to sleep but you have to take the good with the bad. She is so weak now that it makes it hard for her to go to the bathroom. So they did put the catheter in her tonight. I think that will help a lot. She didn't like it and I don't blame her. It is what it is.
She still is getting a little confused and agitated. They tell me that is normal. Her tummy is distended and they say that is normal. Whatever normal is. Normal for cancer. I don't like this normal. The Lewis family has never been normal.
Our family is coming together...we are hearing from people from West Virginia, Michigan, Springfield...Shirley has spread her love all over. And it is coming back to us like you cannot believe. Her co-workers as well. She is an amazing woman. She is absolutely the best sister and daughter any person could ever want in a lifetime. We are so lucky.
I don't plan on leaving her side. I will be here as long as she needs me. Please feel free to write your comments to Shirley. I am relaying them to her every chance I get. Send your love her way....
Love from Room 5 at the Hospice House,
Teresa
Hospice House
Shirley did not have a very good night last night. She is very nauseated and her symptoms are getting harder and harder to control. So Shirley was given the option to stay at home or go to a hospice house. Shirley chose the hospice house. We want her to be comfortable and right now that just is not working being at home.
This place is awesome. The people are very nice and the it's very peaceful. She is in room 5 at the Kansas City Hospice at 123rd & Wornall. Visiting is probably not really an option. You are welcome to call and visit the family, but Shirley is not really up for visitors. She gets very agitated and upset easily. She has calmed down now and is in a pretty good sleep.
I do have a story of course for today. This morning at 8:15 as I was gearing up to go see our girl, my cell phone rang. It was Shirley's cell phone. I was sure when I answered it I would be talking to Mike. But sure enough it was Shirley. I couldn't really understand what she was saying but she was trying to tell me that she was nauseated and she needed medicine. Mike was already on the phone to the nurse but I guess that just wasn't good enough. She needed me and I wasn't there. So from this point on, I will be staying with her. I will not leave her side unless I absolutely have to. I cannot have that happen again.
She is in good hands and I think we are all a little more comfortable with her care here. Keep praying for our Shirley and our family. We are needing it more everyday.
This place is awesome. The people are very nice and the it's very peaceful. She is in room 5 at the Kansas City Hospice at 123rd & Wornall. Visiting is probably not really an option. You are welcome to call and visit the family, but Shirley is not really up for visitors. She gets very agitated and upset easily. She has calmed down now and is in a pretty good sleep.
I do have a story of course for today. This morning at 8:15 as I was gearing up to go see our girl, my cell phone rang. It was Shirley's cell phone. I was sure when I answered it I would be talking to Mike. But sure enough it was Shirley. I couldn't really understand what she was saying but she was trying to tell me that she was nauseated and she needed medicine. Mike was already on the phone to the nurse but I guess that just wasn't good enough. She needed me and I wasn't there. So from this point on, I will be staying with her. I will not leave her side unless I absolutely have to. I cannot have that happen again.
She is in good hands and I think we are all a little more comfortable with her care here. Keep praying for our Shirley and our family. We are needing it more everyday.
January 14, 2009
Lots of Visitors
Today was a day full of visitors. Shirley had so many people who love her come to see her today. Val, Dot and Pat came to visit from Shirley's work. I will honestly say that one of the things I have learned from this experience is that there are people who love Shirley who are not even related to her. And these 3 ladies are some of them. They are so full of love and friendship it's wonderful to be around them. They filled Shirley's room with peace and I know that Shirley appreciated seeing them. I cannot express how much I love them for loving her. Shirley's pastor Lance came by the house and visited for awhile and said prayers with Shirley and with our family. That also felt was very comforting.
Later we had visits from Tom Francis, the social worker, more family. People are gathering around to be with her. I can't blame them. Most of the day was spent with Mike, Mom, Dad, Cindy, Tommy, Kathy, Timmy, Steve and I. We would visit with her off and on. She would become disoriented at times and be confused and then at other times o.k. I have definitely been able to tell her the things I need to tell her. Tonight she told me she loves me with every inch of her body. I will hold that in my heart forever.
Some plans are being made. Mike is trying to get some of the arrangements made beforehand. That was some good advice from the social worker. A lot of us sat around just looking at pictures today. I think we will be doing that for several days ahead. Shirley is a beautiful person inside and out. Anybody who knows Shirley has realized that. And that is what makes this so sad.
I have no idea how I am going to live my life without her. I pray every day and night that I will find a way to do that. It was never supposed to be this way. Most days I wake up so angry and mad at this whole situation and then I get near her and the anger goes away and I am so happy she is still here. I know that is selfish and I do pray for peace for Shirley. But secretly, I am glad she is still here.
She is very weak and our time is growing short. I can feel that. I will just treasure every second I have left. Thank you for your prayers.
Love, Teresa
Later we had visits from Tom Francis, the social worker, more family. People are gathering around to be with her. I can't blame them. Most of the day was spent with Mike, Mom, Dad, Cindy, Tommy, Kathy, Timmy, Steve and I. We would visit with her off and on. She would become disoriented at times and be confused and then at other times o.k. I have definitely been able to tell her the things I need to tell her. Tonight she told me she loves me with every inch of her body. I will hold that in my heart forever.
Some plans are being made. Mike is trying to get some of the arrangements made beforehand. That was some good advice from the social worker. A lot of us sat around just looking at pictures today. I think we will be doing that for several days ahead. Shirley is a beautiful person inside and out. Anybody who knows Shirley has realized that. And that is what makes this so sad.
I have no idea how I am going to live my life without her. I pray every day and night that I will find a way to do that. It was never supposed to be this way. Most days I wake up so angry and mad at this whole situation and then I get near her and the anger goes away and I am so happy she is still here. I know that is selfish and I do pray for peace for Shirley. But secretly, I am glad she is still here.
She is very weak and our time is growing short. I can feel that. I will just treasure every second I have left. Thank you for your prayers.
Love, Teresa
January 13, 2009
:(
I don't have a title for this post tonight. I don't have any good news to report either. Shirley has been really sick the last couple of days. She has not kept any food down, not much liquid. I can report she is not in much pain, but she is very nauseated. She is very lethargic and very weak and tired. I knew today when I showed up that something was different. I'm not sure what exactly, but I could tell she was different. And as the morning progressed she got very nauseated and sick. So we called the hospice nurse and she came out.
She checked Shirley over and tried to figure out things to do for her nausea. They actually have stuff you can rub on your wrist and it will absorb through the skin. After she looked at Shirley she talked to Mom, Kathy, Mike and me in the livingroom. She told us that Shirley's body is rejecting food. And this is a sign of a body shutting down. If she had to guess how long Shirley had, she would guess days to maybe a week or two.
So I guess we are nearing the end of this horrible journey. I plan to be with her everyday, as much as I can. I still am dumbfounded that we are here. I don't know how we got here. I still do not believe it.
She is very sweet laying in her bed. She actually comforted me a little bit today. It made me feel bad. My #1 rule is not to cry in front of Shirley but today I couldn't stop. Thank you all for being interested and loving Shirley. I promise to update as much as I can.
Love and peace to everyone,
Teresa
She checked Shirley over and tried to figure out things to do for her nausea. They actually have stuff you can rub on your wrist and it will absorb through the skin. After she looked at Shirley she talked to Mom, Kathy, Mike and me in the livingroom. She told us that Shirley's body is rejecting food. And this is a sign of a body shutting down. If she had to guess how long Shirley had, she would guess days to maybe a week or two.
So I guess we are nearing the end of this horrible journey. I plan to be with her everyday, as much as I can. I still am dumbfounded that we are here. I don't know how we got here. I still do not believe it.
She is very sweet laying in her bed. She actually comforted me a little bit today. It made me feel bad. My #1 rule is not to cry in front of Shirley but today I couldn't stop. Thank you all for being interested and loving Shirley. I promise to update as much as I can.
Love and peace to everyone,
Teresa
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