Fevers....

can make you crazy. Well...and so can a little depression. I stayed home from work yesterday running a low fever. I actually made it in to work today...late but I made it.

Yesterday was not a good day anyway. I probably would have sat at my desk in tears. It was 13 months since Shirley passed away and 2 year anniversary since my grandpa passed away. I remember thinking that grandpa had lived a nice full wonderful life. And he deserved his place in heaven. And he probably felt it was his time to go so that we could put all of our focus on Shirley since we had just found out she was sick. We knew it was cancer...just not what kind yet. I can remember sitting at my grandfather's funeral next to Shirley and we held hands the entire time. We cried together. And I don't know what we were crying more for...the loss of my grandfather, my heartbroken mother, or how scared we were on what might be ahead of us for Shirley. I thought about that last night...Shirley and I held hands a lot. I can remember one time walking around Worlds of Fun together (my 30th birthday) and I told her people were going to think we were lesbians. We laughed so hard at that.

I was also thinking about how when we are little we play "pretend". We pretend to be grown ups, or we pretend to play house, it's something we are taught very young. And then we spend the rest of our lives "pretending". We "pretend" that life is o.k. when it's really not. But that's what people want to see. And we don't want to disappoint people or make them sad. So even if we are sad, depressed and just do not like life the way it is without the people we have lost .... we "pretend" we do.

Today I am not "pretending". I am sad, I don't feel well and now I don't get to go to dinner with my wonderful friends because I have been sick. So today...I'm unhappy.

Tomorrow...is another day:) Good thing!!!!

Love,

Teresa