I know this will make you cry but...

Another little something I found on one of my many websites I get on. I know this will make some of us cry, and it may not all apply to Shirley. But maybe it applies to somebody else we know with cancer and help us understand. This is so hard for everyone and no one really knows the right thing to say or do. Maybe this helps:

GUIDE FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

If I should lose my hair because of my treatments, PLEASE DON’T say “It’s only hair” or “But you have such a beautiful face”. My hair is a part of my identity, my sexuality, my feelings of who I am as a woman. It’s a part of me.

PLEASE DO say “I’m so sorry that you have to go through this”, or I can’t know how you’re feeling, but I’m here to listen if you need me.”

REMEMBER I am not only losing my hair, I’m also afraid and fighting for my life. My hair is just the outside expression of what is going on inside my body, and I’m reminded of it every time I look in a mirror.

If I should express anger or depression, PLEASE DON’T say “You have to stay positive” or “Let’s talk about the good things in your life”. Accept that I‘m afraid, lonely, anxious and in pain. I NEED to let these feelings out.

PLEASE DO show me you are willing to listen. Don’t feel you have to “fix it”. Don’t worry about saying the “right” thing, it’s ok to tell me you don’t know what to say.

REMEMBER no matter how supportive you are, my feelings don’t disappear when I hang up the phone. Call again tomorrow to see how I’m doing, or drop a card in the mail to say you’re thinking of me.

If I say I’m tired, PLEASE DON’T say “Who isn’t tired?” The tiredness I feel from my treatments goes beyond fatigue.

REMEMBER I still have to do the same housecleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, that you do, while being physically, emotionally, and financially exhausted.

If I need to talk about the possibility of my own death, PLEASE DON’T say “Stop talking like that” or “Everyone’s going to die. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow”. The only way you can compare getting hit by a bus and going through treatments for cancer is if when the bus hit you, it dragged you around for five years before you died.

PLEASE DO listen to my fears. Just listen and let me know you’re there for me. I know how important is is to be positive, but sometimes I just need to cry, scream and talk about how unfair life is.

REMEMBER, I am on chemicals that are poisons. My hormones and emotions, my body, my plans for the future, my activity level, my finances and friendships have all been affected by cancer.

PLEASE DON’T tell me cancer is a blessing or a gift. If cancer were a gift, I would have asked for the receipt a long time ago, and returned it! Many gifts and blessings in life come from experience, but please don’t give cancer credit for that.

Cancer is the challenge.Strength, courage, hope and determination are the blessings.Your friendship, support and understanding are the gifts.

REMEMBER above all else, cancer has not only affected me. It has affected you, too. And just as I have asked you to be there for me, I promise to do what I can to be there for you