Happy Birthday to Mom!! :)

Mom's party Saturday night was a big success!!! I talked to her yesterday and she said it was the best birthday ever. I think she says that every year. But I do think it was the most fun we have had for awhile. The guys started off the day building a ramp for dad's boat down by the pond. Cindy and Mom got in a little shopping before I finally made it out there. Once I got there, we went to a moving sale. Cindy, Mom and I looked around and tried to find things that Shirley would buy if she was there. It's kind of like she was a part of our day.

Once we got back to mom's, mom and I relaxed for awhile, got in a little nap before the evening started. Bea, Cindy and I fixed tacos, Kathy and Mark showed up and the party began.

Kathy fixed mom her favorite - German Chocolate Cake. After we put out the bonfire of candles on top, she got to open up her presents and the card playing commenced. You just can't go wrong with good food, good beer, awesome family and a card game.

We used to play cards with little kids running around the house. Saturday night our "little" kids all decided to go to the movies. Nik, Jake, Sam, Alex and Elaina all went together and it was kind of sad realizing how old they are getting...notice I said them...not us.

We really had a great time. It had all of the potential to be a sad evening, missing our Shirley. Instead, my awesome family turned it into something positive and happy. When we were done playing cards...we sat around and shared some funny memories of Shirley and laughed and talked about her for quite awhile. It felt so good. Again, it was like she was there. So many times I want to talk about her...and I just don't get to.

So enjoy the pictures of my goofy family. Please take note of the family group picture where Bea is looking lovingly at Timmy. I think that is hilarious because I think most of the night Bea wanted to kill him. The alcohol must have warmed her up a little bit. Actually, Cindy looks like she is looking lovingly at Tommy too. Isn't that sweet???

Have a great day everyone!!! Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Love:)

Teresa

It's Friday

and I feel crappy! I hate that on a Friday. But I am working on feeling better. I have my momma's birthday to celebrate tomorrow. Her birthday isn't really until Monday, but we are playing cards and eating and drinking together tomorrow night. Yay!!! Tacos and Miller Lite...that's how you get better.

It's almost been 9 months since Shirley passed away. A year ago at this time, we were going out to Red Lobster for mom's birthday. And we played cards a few weeks after that. It would be our last time.

All I can say right now is...how in the heck could she have been gone this long already? It just does not seem like that is possible. I guess I could look at it like...the faster time goes....the sooner I get to see her.

I am looking forward to tomorrow...

Have a great weekend:)

Love,

Teresa

October is half over....

and life is just passing us by very fast. It's shocking really if you just think about it.

I had lunch with Kathy yesterday. It was really nice. She has now lost two doggies in a month. I feel so bad for her. Loss in any form hurts so bad. In her heart, she has lost 3 members of her family this year. I know it hurts.

But we are not going to be all sad on this blog today...we are going to laugh about another memory that I have to share about Shirley.

This is one that would make her and I laugh. Laugh hard enough that we could barely tell the story. It's a two parter actually. And starts when we were very young.

Part I

It was a day when we were coming home from school on the school bus. We would get off the bus at the house Shirley lived in and walk down the street to our house ... the house Tom and Cindy live in now. As we got off the bus, I was not paying attention to where I was going and I was looking back waving at my friends. The next thing I know... my face slams into the huge bus mirror and I am laying flat on the ground. The bus driver jumps up and is asking me if I'm o.k. and everyone is looking at me. I don't have a lot of memory of pain...but I know that it hurt. The next thing I hear is Shirley saying "Oh, she's fine. Get up Teresa.". I remember thinking..."really Shirley...uh...a little more sympathy please?". Not just the pain..but for the embarrassment. So, off the bus driver went...and Shirley continued to walk home. As I get up, I remember touching my eye and feeling like it was swelling up. Once I got home, I walked in the door and Shirley was there. Her face had this look of horror on it...she said "Oh My God...that looks terrible". Thanks Shirley. I know. It was swollen, black and blue and hurt like crazy.

That's part I of Shirley having no sympathy for Teresa and never believing she was really hurt.

Part II

We are teenagers now...driving ourselves to school. And it was Shirley and I on this particular morning. I remember getting up in the morning and not feeling very well. My side had a pain in it. I tell Shirley that she can drive because of this. Well, we realize we need gas. As we pull into the gas station (Farmers Market), she tells me to get out and pump the gas. I tell her...again...that I am not feeling so good. Again, her response..."You are fine...it's your turn to pump the gas...". I tell her...I really don't think I am fine. She was having none of that...and I got to pump the gas. Oh and go in and pay for it as I recall. Nice. After arriving at school, I realize that I'm not going to make it the whole day so I go to the nurse. That day ended with Teresa getting her Appendix out. I remember Shirley coming to the hospital ... and I'm sure it went something like this..."I am so sorry...I thought you were faking".

Now, Shirley always felt really bad afterwards. And later in our life, these were stories that we loved to tell. We would of course make the silly faces while telling the story and maybe add a little more to them than what really happened. I can see her face now as I remember in my mind telling the stories. I miss that a lot.

O.K. there you go. Now you know another one of my favorites. Enjoy.

Love,

Teresa

Cholangiocarcinoma...

we would never, ever know anything about this disease if Shirley would not have had it. But it is a horrible, horrible thing. I follow several blogs of people who have this same cancer. Their ages range from early 20's to people in thier 80's. And the cancer acts the same in every person...the only difference is how quickly it takes you. The hard part for me is if they are doing their own blogs...and then one day they just stop. That has happened to me a few times and I have to research a little and then I find out it's because they have passed away. The guy I had been following had posted as recently as September 28th. He had his sense of humor, had hope and was 30 years old. I kept looking for updates and then it hit me. After a little research, I found out he died on October 9th.

I can feel the pain these families are going through. I never could feel that before. I would feel sadness before...now I feel pain.

The website that our bracelets are from...are going to have a Cholangiocarcinoma month for awareness. These few people on this website are trying to make a difference for this disease. And it has to start somewhere. Where else do you get help for this awful disease. It needs attention, it needs research. These people are fighting and working so hard. And while Shirley was here...they were fighting for her. I will always be attached to this website, this disease, these people. And I will continue to read as many of their blogs that I can because maybe someday down the road, there will be something I can do.

I don't know who all watches Brothers and Sisters...but mom and I have decided that it is really getting hard to keep watching with their cancer story line. It's hitting a little too close to home.

It's cold, rainy and yucky outside. Stay inside today and have a great day!!!!

Love,

Teresa

It's Cold...

and yesterday...emotionally...not a great day. It wasn't anything specific. I am sure the emotions came out when I heard about Kathy's doggie. I was sad the rest of the day. I was up until about 2:30 with thoughts of Shirley.

But today...we move on. I am getting excited to see the family this weekend. We will be getting together for mom's birthday on Saturday. It will be hard sitting around that table and playing cards without looking across the table and seeing her big smiling face. Or teasing her the whole night. Or after two sips of a Margarita, she would be already tipsy and laughing at everything.

The pictures I put on here are of when we would play cards together. They were great times.

Love,

Teresa

So Many Things To Talk About...

and so many mixed emotions. I guess that is how life typically is...I think I just notice it more. My emotions are so up and down every day.

I will start with Friday night. One word for bunco...Awesome. And not just because I won. That helps. I have decided that I enjoy Bunco so much because I spend about 3 hours doing nothing but laughing. And talking. And eating. And drinking. All of my favorite things to do. I got to bring some friends to my parents house who had never been there. It means a lot to me to share that with people. It's also very good to see that people who I love, who have never met each other, also enjoy each other's company. I had family, work friends, Teresa who I graduated with...I do not even have the words for that emotion. But it was good.

Saturday I woke up and had to go to the dentist. Gross. I was getting the "deep cleaning". Fortunately, they had given me two little pills to take beforehand and that was very helpful. After sleeping that off for a couple of hours, met up with Mom, Dad, Tom, Cindy, Tim and Bea for movie night. We went to eat at Five Guys and then went to see Couples Retreat. A couple of times I looked down at everyone in the aisle and everyone was laughing and seemed to be having a good time. I personally had a great time. The movie was hilarious and I am sure was a little preview of our future trip to Mexico. Which is scary.

Yesterday...I relaxed. Slept in, watched football. And I ended my day watching Terms of Endearment. And that gave me the cry that I needed. I missed Shirley all weekend. I hated doing all of those things and having such a good time without her. I hated it. I love everyone and I love being with them. And I hate that she's not there. If that is not the ultimate example of mixed emotions...I don't know what is.

And then this morning, more bad news. Kathy's other doggie died in the middle of the night. Two dogs in a month sucks. I was so sad. So I have decided today I will not fight the emotions as much.

I have started to get excited for Thanksgiving...but deep down...what will I do without her there? I just do not know:(

Love,

Teresa

A Cute Memory...

I may have already told this one. It's one of my very favorite...

Shirley and I used to have to share a bed at certain points growing up. And even as we got older, if we went on a trip, we shared a bed many times. Shirley had a certain routine that she would go through every single night in bed. First of all, to put herself to sleep, she had to rub her feet together until she fell asleep. And that is just cute. And you would know when she was awake...because the feet would start moving again.

And then this is the other one...we would get into bed and we would talk. We would talk for hours. Sometimes after we were done talking...we would lay there for a little bit...and then I would think of something else I would want to ask her...This is how this went...

Teresa - "blah, blah, blah, blah"
Shirely - silence
Teresa "Shirley...blah, blah, blah, blah"
Shirley - silence
Teresa - "Shirley...why aren't you talking to me."
Shirley - silence
Teresa - "Shirley...there is no way you could be asleep already"
Shirley - "Teresa...I am saying my prayers".

Shirley said her prayers every single night. And no matter how many times we were in the same bed, I would never realize that was the reason she wasn't answering me. As we got older, this would make us just laugh really hard. Because I still never, ever caught on.

And I said that there was no way she could fall asleep that fast, but that is wrong too. Shirley could fall asleep in a matter of 30 seconds.

Those are the little things I have to write on this blog...because I don't ever, ever want to forget them.

We are playing bunco tonight...and I will miss her like crazy!

Love,

Teresa