Busy 3 Day Weekend

Wow, back to work after 3 days off...and it's raining. I probably should have just stayed in bed. Friday was spent shopping and getting ready for Jake's birthday. And the party itself went great. Everyone showed and my house was over flowing with family. Of course there was somebody missing...and I could feel it.

And then Saturday was spent getting ready for Easter. We colored eggs at Joe and Kelly's with Niki and Jack and that was fun. But a year ago I was coloring eggs with Shirley.

Sunday we went to Kathy and Mark's for the big Easter feast. The food was perfect and her house was full of family too. But again, somebody was missing.

So that is how my weekend went...noticing that no matter how much family you have and how busy you are...Shirley was still missing. I couldn't help but think about it constantly. I tried so hard not to let it get me down or ruin the fun, but several times it became overwhelming. I walk into a room and I look for her...when I had any down time at all...I would look for her. I waited for her to walk in a room so I could hug her. I mean I could physically feel the anticipation of her coming and then the disappointment of realizing she wasn't. I am hoping this still gets better. That's what people say. I'm not seeing it yet.

And I need to respond I guess on how to get the bracelets. I hope everyone goes to the website and buys one. You go to www.cholangiocarcinoma.org and go to the "contact us" section. You will email Stacie with your name and address and I think she will help you. I hope anyway.

So we start another week. Thanks for listening:)

Teresa

My Baby is 16...

Happy Birthday Jake. We are having Jakie's 16th birthday party at my house tomorrow night. Yea!!!! He is soooo excited. He loves his birthday. When I went in to wish him a happy birthday this morning he said Alex called him at 6:00 this morning. I thought that was very sweet. He learned that from his mama. Shirley never missed one of my kids birthdays.

It will be sad tomorrow having this party without her there. And then we will have to have Easter on Sunday without her. Kathy and I have already talked about this being a difficult weekend. But we will just support each other and get through it. We have no choice. This year will just be full of holidays and events without our family being complete. Someone will be missing. She is gone. I have physical pain in my heart...like she was just ripped out. I know that my family will help ease that pain. They always do. I enjoy them so much.

I hope you all have a blessed Easter and enjoy your families. Color some eggs:)

Love to all of my family and my friends. I love you!!!

Teresa

My New Bracelet

I joined a website called Cholangiocarcinoma.org last year when Shirley was diagnosed. This website was full of information. Unfortunately that's why I always knew what was going to happen. These people who run this website are working very hard to raise money and awareness for bile duct cancer. It is such a rare cancer and needs as much attention as it can get. Well, now I have my own bracelet. They sent me one for being a member on this website. You see the yellow bracelets all of the time, well now there is one for bile duct cancer. If you want one I think you can order them off of the website. Now if people ask me about my bracelet I can tell them about this horrible cancer. Maybe people will start realizing these rare cancers need funding and research too. I hope so. Nobody wants to find a cure for a cancer that doesn't affect a lot of people. The sad thing is, we had never heard of this cancer before. So it's hard to blame anyone.

But now this will be my way of telling as many people as I can. When they admire my new jewelry.

Love, Teresa

Shirley Would Have Loved My Dog

This is the bad dog getting a bath after playing at the dog park. He decided that day he loved the mud and water. I have tried so hard to get him to go in the water and he always hated it. I guess he finally decided that maybe he is a golden retriever. And the other picture shows how spoiled he is. Rotten. I know you all see an innocent baby lying under a blankie but I see that look of "I want to attack my mama" in his eyes.

But Shirley would have loved him. He is very sweet regardless of how bad I talk about him. When I decided to get another dog after my bulldog died last year, she made me promise to get a dog with a longer lifespan. So that's how Sue came to be.

Oh and FYI...anyone looking to adopt a 7 month old golden retriever...I have one for you...see how innocent he looks in his pictures...

Have a great day!!!! Teresa

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

I found this on a website this morning. I really loved it. Hope everyone else does too:

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

REASON: it is usually to meet a need you have expressed, guidance through a difficult time and support, to aid you physically, emontionally or spiritually. They are there for a reason, then without any wrong doing on your part, the relationship ends. Sometime they walk away, or sometime they die. They answered the prayer you needed at the time and now it is time to move on.

SEASON: some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh, teaching you something you have never done, but only for a season.

LIFETIME: relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. It is your job to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for letting me be part of your life, whether I was a reason, a season or a lifetime."

Love, Teresa:)

I'm Tired

I'm tired of Shirley being gone. I feel that I have been somewhat in denial. Things seem to be worse this week and I don't know what it is. I'm hoping it will pass. I have cried every day and every night. I think about her constantly. I have to physically work at not thinking about her so that I won't cry. And I hate not thinking about her. I am sure this is temporary. The biggest problem is the bad thoughts. Remembering the middle of the nights at the hospice house. I only want to remember good things and sometimes it just does not happen. I find myself in the middle of the night laying there for hours just remembering our last weeks together. And the reality sinks in that she really is gone. And I really have a hard time comprehending the fact that summer is almost here and she is not. It just does not make sense right now. I'm sure it will, just not right now.

I am looking forward to a good weekend. Tomorrow night we will spend with Tim and Bea and the rest of the family at a party they are having. I will be house cleaning getting ready for Jakie's 16th Birthday on Friday night.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Love, Teresa

Planning

So some things are being planned for the summer...birthdays, graduations...whatever. Kathy and I were talking yesterday about how it's so hard to look across the room and just not see Shirley there. But we have to keep planning and go on with everything. I just don't like it.

One of my favorite things that Shirley did...and this is kind of gross. But Kathy and I always thought it was funny to show Shirley our food in our mouth. I know...grow up. But she would always react..."gross Teresa...or gross Kathy". And then...she would show us her food. And just crack up. It was just something we have done our entire life. Those are the little things...that just will not happen anymore.

I don't like to show pictures from our chemo days but this is one of them that she was just laughing and I love it.

Thank you guys for still reading and commenting. It really helps me and I appreciate it. Knowing people out there care:)

Love,

Teresa