A year ago...

I was planning to help Shirley clean out her basement. It was very distressing to her for people to see her basement messy and I knew that was something that would make her happy. So we spent the whole Saturday on Labor Day Weekend cleaning her basement. Now, cleaning is not my favorite thing to do, but with her...I just wanted her to be happy. And I think she was. I know I definitely did not want her doing it...she did not have the energy for it. I wish it was a year ago.

Shirley is weighing heavy on my mind and heart right now. Her birthday is two weeks away. I'm almost dreading it. It makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot believe she is not here to celebrate her birthday. She loved her birthday.

Is she really not here??? That's how I feel all of the time.

Love,

Teresa

Lunch...

with mom and Aunt Carolyn. It was really nice of them to come have lunch with me considering that I never was able to make it out to mom and dad's this week. And Aunt Carolyn leaves tomorrow. Hopefully I will make it up to see my grandma this weekend. Not enough time ...

I hope everyone has a great weekend...

Love,

Teresa

My Quote For the Day...

This comes from my very favorite movie of all time....

"Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks..."

I felt that way last night.

Shirley....

kept me up last night. Could not get her out of my mind. So many memories and thoughts kept flooding my brain. So many tears. Finally I got out my photo album and just let the flood gates open. It was very therapeutic. So many times a day I think of her and have to hold back my crying...this actually felt good. I am sure somewhere in my brain I knew that this was the 7 month anniversary of the day we buried her.

So about 4:30 I stumbled off to bed. Not sure how I will do on two hours of sleep today. And there are plans for Chinese food...sooo...nap time in the afternoon.

Bad Doggie was not happy about the late hours. I didn't realize doggies could give dirty looks...but he can.

Have a great day!!!

Teresa

Bad Doggie...

Got groomed. How cute does he look behind that glass. He got his butt and feet shaved. He did not like that at all. Too bad.

Update...Granny is doing good from shoulder surgery. She sounds like she is recovering great. I hope I get out to see her in the hospital tonight. May be the only chance I get to see Aunt Carolyn. :( So busy.

Took Nik Noland to the doctor last night. They were not worried about his headache at all. So I will try to quit worrying. While we were waiting in the room, he told me in one of his classes, his teacher was talking about health care and cancer. He teared up and told me how much he missed his Aunt Shirley. We talked about her for awhile and then we both cried. I worry about my kiddos. I try to talk about her all the time...the good stuff. But I know deep down they are hurting. Especially my softie Nik. That was hard. And now I am crying.

I have a few things I wish she was here to give me advice on today. It's a horrible feeling to need that and just not get it.

Steve's granny went into the hospital with pneumonia last night. Let's say a prayer for both grannies today:)

Love,

Teresa

Late Night Thoughts

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a night owl. I like to stay up late...watch movies...whatever. It used to be for fun. Now I have to stay up and watch t.v. until I fall asleep so sad thoughts don't creep in...

Anyway, last night while I was awake late at night...I thought about how we used to play Bunco. It was so much fun. We would have good food, good beverages and a lot of fun. Women only of course and no kiddos. I think we played for a good year or more and then for one reason or another it became difficult to get enough people to play. So we stopped.

I think I am ready to try playing again. I have realized that I need happy things in my life. It would be so easy to just sink into a depression. It's a fight every day!!! And I think this is something that would help.

It wouldn't be the same without Shirley. She was absolutely hilarious at Bunco and so much fun. The Halloween Bunco was the best. She loved to dress up. But I think she would be o.k. if we started up again. I know she would.

Just thinking out loud today....Thanks for listening.

Love,

Teresa

I worked all weekend...

and it was not fun. It did keep my mind busy though. I know I have said that helps before but it is so true. In the morning yesterday, I went to the grocery store and cleaned up my house. Was very busy. Then we got in the car to go to Jack's ball game and as soon as we started driving and I relaxed, my mind went straight to Shirley. I just started crying. I realized it was the 7 month anniversary that we lost her. It hit me so fast. I made sure I was busy the rest of the day. I could think about her all day and cry all day every day. But that's not how life works. You are not allowed to do that.

Aunt Carolyn and Mom went to Springfield and it sounds like they had a great time. They got to see a lot of our relatives there...they are lucky.

Tomorrow my grandmother has her shoulder surgery. Ouch!!!

We had awesome weather this weekend. I can feel fall right around the corner. Usually my favorite time of year. Maybe not so much anymore:(

I can't believe it's Monday already....grrrrr...

Love,

Teresa