7 1/2 Hours

A very, very long and draining day. These days are becoming more and more emotional and it's not easy. I have posted a picture of Shirley's new hair cut. She is preparing for the day of the actual hair loss. It's actually adorable. But on Shirley, of course it's adorable. We have no idea what side effects this new chemo will have on her. She is taking pills and had two different bottles put in an IV. We had such a long day that Kathy and I actually went out and got Chinese food and a movie. The movie was The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I find that this movie has such deep meaning and can really help people dealing with hard times. We cried several times and at one point Shirley grabbed my hand and hugged and thanked me for being there for her. The thing she doesn't realize is that she doesn't have to thank me. At some point in your life, you realize God's purpose for you. I have found mine. God put me here for Shirley. To love her and give her all of the support she needs. And that is what I will do. Another thing I have realized is that you know that you love people. But you never know how much you love somebody until you are faced with the fact that you may lose them. And then it is the most overwhelming feeling you will ever have.

I haven't given up. It may sound like it, but I have definitely faced the fact that I may lose Shirley. And I always wonder how people go on after they lose somebody they love that much. And they say "you just do". I don't believe that. I will never believe that. Shirley, I will never "just go on".

I think about my life and it's always been Teresa and Shirley or Shirley and Teresa. I pray to you now God to never just make it Teresa. Please make this chemo work. Please give us that miracle we are looking for. Please take this cancer out of her body. In your name God I pray harder than I have ever prayed in my life.

Sorry Shirley...no Purple:(

I could not find a purple background. Well today is the day. This entire time I really thought Shirley would not have to have chemo that would cause her to lose her hair. But today will be the day they put drugs into her that will do that. I am angry. Not because Shirley will lose her hair. Everyone is right when they say it is just hair it is just hair. But it's just that awful reminder that cancer has attacked my family. And it has attacked it with a vengeance. I mean I kind of compare it to a tornado. There are different levels of tornadoes. F1 F2 or whatever. But if you hear F5 you know something terrible has happened. And that's what we are dealing with. So on top of all of these months of going to these appts. and trying to stay positive and strong, today Shirley gets drugs that will make her lose her beautiful hair. Of course we will find positives in this too and we will stay strong and of course find something to laugh about and make fun of. I already thought that if she loses her hair by Thanksgiving, and my sister-in-law Kelly has her baby, then my turkey, the baby and Shirley could all be bald together.

I guess what I am trying to stay is we will deal with this. It will be fine. It will just suck like the rest of this crap does.

I will update everyone tomorrow with how Shirley did with her chemo today. It's going to be a long afternoon. Have a wonderful day.

Teresa

Christmas Music

O.K. I think almost everyone who knows me knows that I love the Christmas music. It cannot start early enough for me. The decorations cannot get out early enough. When I see Christmas lights and decorations and when I hear Christmas music it instantly makes me happy. When other people get grumpy, I am smiling.

The reason I bring this up is because now we have 2 radio stations that have Christmas music on full time. You can hear it whenever you want. We are so spoiled. But when we were kids that was not an option. Well another thing that people may know or not know is that Elvis Presley is my all time favorite singer. So as soon as I possibly could (without annoying my family) I would start playing my Elvis Christmas Album non stop until Christmas day. And to this day that album ...or I guess CD now...is me and Shirley's very favorite Christmas music. It's just another thing that we love together and that makes me happy.

Teresa:)

More Detail

The new Chemo Shirley will start will begin next Monday. This Chemo will take up to 4 hours. She will then have 3 weeks off and then another treatment. After 2 treatments he will do another scan to see if this chemo is working. I think it's important that we treat and scan a lot more often. If a treatment is not working, we need to know immediately to try something else.

We do need to be prepared to see Miss Shirley without her beautiful red hair. But big deal. It's hair. Give me a bald Shirley any day over no Shirley at all. And we all need something to rub for good luck.

I think last night I talked to almost every member of my family. It was very comforting and a reminder of how much my family loves me and I love them. They are the most wonderful people in the world and we will come together and we will pray that God will heal Shirley. If that is not in God's plan, then in Shirley's worlds "It's in God's Hands".

The next 6 to 8 weeks will be tough ...stay strong and pray.

Teresa

Not The Best News

Shirley did not get her treatment today. And basically that is because the current chemotherapy she is receiving has quit working. The CT Scan showed that the tumors have started growing. He has decided to try another treatment. Unfortunately this treatment will make Shirley lose her hair. The whole appointment was very depressing. This doctor cannot promise us that this chemo will work either. She will have 2 treatments 3 weeks apart and then do another scan to see if the tumors are responding.

Mom, Kathy and I gathered around Shirley and told her we will do whatever it takes to make her comfortable and happy. I pray that whoever reads this blog does this for her also. She will need us all right now.

There is no more denial. We need this chemo to work or we need a miracle. This cancer is starting to take over her body and emotionally and physically she will need us all now more than ever. Please pray and help her in any way that you can. She would never, ever ask for help from anyone so let's show her how much we love her.

Please keep praying for our family.

We don't like our picture taken...

We agreed this was our favorite picture of the night:)


Unless it's with each other. When I talked to Shirley today we both agreed that we used to hate to have our pictures taken, but now that we get our picture taken together so often, we like it. I still don't like my picture taken if it's by myself, but if it's with Shirley, I love it. Actually any of our family pictures look really good. We love being with each other and we have a good time so that definitely makes for a good photo.

I am counting down the days until Tuesday when we find out the results of Shirley's CT scans. I will admit that it makes me a nervous wreck waiting on those results. I pray they are good, that her cancer is stable, or the tumors have shrunk. There is that fear that we could get bad news and there is absolutely no way I can prepare myself for that. I'm not going to pretend to be strong anymore. I am scared. If they give us good news, I will be extremely grateful and happy and will thank God. But I'm not naive to think that there is a possibility that we could get bad news. And that scares me. So until then, I will pray for my Shirley and I will pray for God to heal her body. I ask everyone to pray with me for my girl. You just can't beat the power of prayer.

Love, Teresa

I have really been slacking off...

First of all - the pictures I have posted are from bowling for Brandon's 19th birthday and a Halloween party that I talked about earlier with the kiddos. Enjoy.

Shirley seems to be doing o.k. right now. Still tired. But o.k. We are just now waiting for CT scan on Monday and Doctor's appt. on Tuesday. Have a great week!!

Teresa