November 30, 2009

Whew....

One holiday down. The Thanksgiving Day was awesome. Beautiful day with beautiful family. The turkey and stuffing and pie were delicious. Bad dog was good dog. People were happy. But she was missing. She wasn't there. It didn't really affect me that day. I was busy running around...playing hostess. Enjoying everyone and everything. Friday...it hit me. I spent the next 3 days having a really hard time ....trying not to cry...trying to push bad memories out and let good ones in. Trying so hard to not remember what we were going through one year ago. Thankful Shirley had a good Thanksgiving...but knowing what was to come. Dreading it. And it was like it all came back. Nights have been bad. She's in my every thought.

We got Christmas decorations out and I remembered last year...I did get them out but never really decorated. I had to take care of Shirley...there was no time to decorate.

So...we will try to make it to the next holiday.

Teresa did get her passport...so I will be going to Mexico in January. This week we will get our tree and decorate....in purple. My husband came up with the idea to do a purple tree this year. In memory of Shirley. She would have loved it. I will definitely put up pictures when it is done.

And there should be pictures on here soon from Thanksgiving. I forgot the adaptor cord today...oops!!!

I hope your holiday was filled with love.

Love,

Teresa

November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving...

to all of my friends and family. I'm definitely in a more somber and sad place today. I am excited to prepare my home for my family tomorrow...but there will be somebody missing. For the first time in my entire life...I will not be sharing Thanksgiving with Shirley. You prepare yourself for a lot of things that will happen in your life. But never that.

She will definitely be there with us tomorrow. I made sure we are surrounded by pictures of her and we will feel her love. I am going to pray tonight that we all will just make it through the day.

If you are not somebody I will see or talk to tomorrow...Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Please be safe and happy:)

Love,

Teresa

November 24, 2009

Here is the Stinker...






look how handsome he is. It was not easy to get this guy to pose and eventually he just gave up and started chewing on his bone. He's almost like a celebrity...he gets tired of the papparazzi always in his face and taking his picture.
I tried to have a talk with him last night on how bad dogs are supposed to behave when we have holiday dinners. I do not think he was listening at all. At one point, I am sure I heard snoring. Grrrrr...
The grocery shopping was done last night. All that is left to get is the giant turkey tomorrow night.
My stress was relieved a little this morning when I got an early morning phone call from Kathy. She has offered to bring over to me the green bean casserole and sweet potatoes. And she is not even eating dinner at our house. Thank you Kathy!!!!!
Love,
Teresa



November 23, 2009

I have a mixture

of emotions today. I knew all weekend that I would be sad today. But I worked so much that I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. But sure enough...I woke up crying this morning:( It doesn't matter whether I am thinking about it or not...just weird how the body and soul knows ...

So Teresa worked all freaking weekend and not preparing for Thanksgiving. Nothing was really accomplished toward putting Thanksgiving together. So the panic is starting to set in. We did get carpets cleaned and bad dog groomed. Oh my he is handsome. I didn't even think it was my dog when I picked him up. And he smelled soooo good. He is now ready to smell everyone's bottom and french kiss them when they show up on Thursday. Good luck!!!

I think you all should be thankful that you do not live with Teresa and have to deal with the stress in my house that they are all about to deal with. It's their own fault....they mess my house up. And do not do what I tell them to do. And if they knew me at all...they would just give me alcohol and it would all be better.

The kiddos did get to spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa. The helped my mom get her Christmas stuff in so that she can put her stuff up the day after Thanksgiving. And they played a lot of games. It sounds like they had a really good time.

O.K. so I guess that means I should get to work here so that I can eventually go home and do what needs to be done.

Have a beautiful day :P

Teresa

P.S. Lunch with Miss Kathy today...

November 20, 2009

New Moon...

the movie. It was pretty awesome. I really, really enjoyed it. Or maybe I just enjoyed the company. No, it was good and I had a blast with my mother. We went out to eat Chinese food first and then headed over to the theaters. We didn't have to wait in any lines outside...they put us in a nice theater with about 30 people. We didn't sit through previews or anything. Pretty cool.

It was a late night but well worth it. It's been a long time since I have spent time with just me and mom. And we are always very comfortable talking about our Shirley. There are not a lot of people I can do that with, but she is one of them. Very comforting.

And now the stress of my weekend!!!!! Any volunteers want to come and clean my house???? (why do I have a feeling everyone just logged off their computers???)

My boys are going out to my parents tomorrow to help mom get her Christmas decorations into the house. Mom never gets to put her stuff up right after Thanksgiving because everyone is busy doing their own thing. But this year we have planned ahead and are sending Nik and Jake out to get it out for her. Yay!!!!

I am hoping for a wonderful weekend for everyone else. Not sure it will happen for me...

Love,

Teresa:)

Pray for poor Teresa....waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

November 19, 2009

I have been...

in bed for a couple of days. I definitely am not cut out to be a drug addict. The drugs my doctor gave me for pain a couple of days ago knocked me on my butt. It took me a day to recover from that. But I am back...

Yesterday was Kaitlyn Marie's first birthday. My niece who was given Shirley's middle name. That was very emotional for me last year and meant so much. We will be celebrating her birthday this weekend.

Tonight I am going to see The New Moon movie with mom. She has 2 passes and I get to go. I made sure to watch the first one the other night and I really enjoyed it. So I am definitely looking forward to a night out with mom tonight.

And of course...it is one week from today that we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. I am happy because my number for the amount of people that are coming keeps going up. I love hosting Thanksgiving...it will be nice.

Have an awesome day!!!

Teresa

November 16, 2009

It's Monday....




and the week before Thanksgiving....let the stress begin!!! It just hit me last night that this will be the week that I officially start my panicing...my poor family. There is a lot to do. I think right now my count is at 25 for dinner. I would actually love to have more. You just cannot have enough family for dinner on Thanksgiving.

The weekend was busy of course. Had a great dinner and night out for Steve's mom. That's what the picture is of. We also got our picture taken with an Elvis impersonator. You never know what you will see down on the Plaza on a Saturday night. It was really a great evening.

I am trying my best to have positive thoughts and not be sad for Thanksgiving. It's taking everything I have. I did read an article on grief during the holidays. It said not to ignore that the person is gone but to acknowledge it. I agree. It is so much harder to not talk about Shirley being gone than to actually talk about it. I do cry but it feels better than keeping those emotions in. So I am really trying to find a way to acknowledge Shirley at my Thanksgiving dinner without making everyone cry. Not sure how yet.
O.K....so the weather has also taken a turn. It's wonderful. Cold and wet. Looking for some snowflakes. :) Bad Doggie is looking for snow too....

Love,

Teresa

November 12, 2009

It was 21 years ago today...

that Steve and I got married. And everyone who knows Steve, knows how lucky I am. I remember last year that the first text message I got in the morning was from Shirley wishing me a happy anniversary. I also remember thinking that was the last time she would ever say that to me.

I'm not sure I would have ever made it through losing Shirley if it wasn't for Steve. The 9 days and nights I spent at hospice with Shirley would not have been possible. He would be there every morning and all day with me and then go home and take care of the kids and the bad doggie who was only a baby bad doggie at that time.

You have to take time to thank God for the people that he has given you...Steve is one of those people!!!! Just one. I have a lot. As Tear mentioned in the comments. I know how lucky I am. Sometimes I feel so sad and awful inside that I forget how lucky I am. But today I do know.

I love my husband more today than I ever could have imagined. I know how sad he has been since Shirley has been gone. He knew her as long as he knew me. We were all friends in school together. But he has been so strong and puts everyone else first.

Two weeks from today is Thanksgiving....aaaaahhhhhh STRESS!!!!!!

Love,

Teresa

November 11, 2009

I am laughing...

at the memory of when Shirley, Mom and I went to Springfield and we stopped at a restaurant for breakfast. By the time we were done with breakfast...Mom and Shirley had laughed so hard that they spit their drink out...we laughed so hard. And we would laugh every time we talked about it. From that point on...we would make sure to get out of the way if you were going to make one of them laugh with drinks in their mouth. The best part is ... I could make Shirley laugh just by looking at her. She thought Teresa was funny.

I'm emotional this week...but I'm fighting it. It's hard.

Love,

Teresa:=)

November 10, 2009

Not much to say today..

so I'm not really going to try.

I was trying to think of a memory I wanted to share about Shirley today and I did come up with one that isn't funny or sad. But it definitely makes me reflect on how much she cared about me and her family. The first year Steve and I were married, we were having to split time between families on Christmas. We were at mom and dad's and she heard me telling mom that. She came marching into the room and was very upset. She told me that our family came first...and she was going to be very angry if she did not get to spend time with me on Christmas Day. I remember really trying to make the situation better but no matter what I said, she was not backing down. I'm not sure how that turned out on Christmas. But I do know it is moments like that that made me love her as much as I did. And also value my family as much as I do. She was awesome!!!

I miss Shirley :(

Love,

Teresa

November 09, 2009

Blessed...

is how I feel. Which is odd considering how much I talk on here about how sad and lost I am without Shirley. But Friday night at Bunco...I felt blessed. I have never been the smartest cookie...and bunco requires 12 people...Teresa invited 13. I never counted myself. So I volunteered to sit out and watch. The group of people I have is just crazy. I have my sister-in-laws, my momma, my sister, my girlfriends from school, my girlfriends from work and friends I have made over the years. The fact that I have these people who want to spend time with me is a blessing. And the fact that they all get along and having a good time together once a month is a blessing.

I have realized that you have to find and appreciate your blessings or you will just sink into sorrow. Which I do many times a day. Don't let me fool you into thinking that all is just happy...it's not. It's important for me to focus as hard as I can on these good things because the next few weeks...that is what it is about. What are you thankful for? And I am so thankful for my friends and family. And God is showing me all the time how blessed I am. I just have to see it.

Saturday we took the kids and went with Tom, Cindy and Crystal to see a Christmas Carol. We loved it. Again...another reason to put me in the mood for the holidays. I'm not sure Tommy and Crystal enjoyed it, but the rest of us did.

House cleaning got started...getting the house prepared for the everyone on Thanksgiving.

Have a great day and count your blessings:)

I love you,

Teresa

November 06, 2009

Friday...

so happy!!! I just learned that Kathy is getting a new puppy this weekend. And she is adorable. That will help heal her family after losing both of their babies.

Tonight is Bunco. Definitely looking forward to that. I just never find enough time to talk to everyone. I hate that.

This week I have found myself worrying. I am worrying about my Aunt Connie and my grandma. Different health problems are affecting both of them...and I don't like it.

I have three weeks until Thanksgiving so I am really going to find time this weekend to start my insane crazy person cleaning. My kids and husband hate it. But I absolutely go insane. I want everything perfect. And it will take 3 weeks. The weather is going to be awesome so it will be perfect for that!!!

Can't wait to see all the girls tonight:)

Love,

Teresa

November 05, 2009

Pictures from Last Weekend...Good Times









Love my brothers:)

These pictures actually speak for themselves. Writing on this blog is definitely therapy for me...but so is getting together with these goofy people. It was a really good time and I can't wait for the next time. :)
Love,
Teresa

P.S. Had to get the bad dog in there too...he actually gets a little cranky if you sit in his chair. So now he will just sit on top of you. Grrrrr..




November 04, 2009

Nobody wants to talk about it...

but the holidays are really going to be tough. Last year at this time...Shirley was starting to fail. We still had some hope but it was becoming obvious what was happening. Not ever losing anyone in my life this significant...I don't know how we will deal with not having her this year. This blog is a good place for me to talk about that. We are 3 weeks away from Thanksgiving and she is constantly on my mind. Especially the fact that she just will not be here for the first time in my life. Little things like not having Shirley's sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving...that hurts so much. I always would tell her to show up as early as possible so we could spend extra time together. I will say that I am not going to stop myself from crying. I hate holding that in. I hated sending out my email to invite everyone ...and her not being on that list.

How the heck am I going to get through this? I know I will...I just do not know how.

Love,

Teresa

November 03, 2009

Looking Back...

and this was not a really good time for our family. I read some of the blog from a year ago and I can see now that things were getting ready to take a devastating turn. I know that I knew this..but we were all in denial.

I would rather be there....than here.

Love,

Teresa

November 02, 2009

It's a Happy Day...

Christmas music started. It makes me feel so good. People are constantly telling me it's too early...too early to feel good? Too early for happiness? That's what Christmas brings. It's never too early. We had our little lighting ceremony last night at our house. And it was happy. There will be enough sadness this year without our Shirley. We need to bring as much happiness as we can to try to help the sadness.

This weekend was a good weekend. Friday night was spent celebrating Ms. Niki's birthday. And then we went out with the family. Crazy kids. There was a lot of laughing. I remember that. I love that we can all get together and just let loose and have fun. We were doing a lot of talking about our trip to Mexico. I am getting so excited for that. I know we could all use it. I hate that mom and dad and Kathy and Mark will not be joining us. We will have to plan another trip in the future for all of us.

Leanna made it back home safely. It was awesome having her here for the short time that we had her. Very, very, very sweet girl. I love her with all of my heart.

Saturday was Halloween...yuck. Thank God it's over.

So, let's start another busy week. I have already imagined Shirley calling me to tell me my music has started. She would always help me listen for it...She knew what made me happy.
I do that a lot. Act out in my head what would happen if she was here. I smile and cry....


Love,

Teresa